As the start of the bachelor begins this week. I am reminded of the famous line that comes each season of this show, "my person" Looking for my person. Last season Lauren B said this all the time about Ben.
Today as I sat at my desk with tears welling up in eyes yet again, feeling completely overwhelmed, I just wanted to have MY PERSON.
This year has been hard. part of the hard is not having my person, a person that I feel like I can be COMPLETELY open and honest with my feelings. Where I feel free to cry and think and work out all the things that are going inside of me.
I have been questioning a lot more than just my role within my job, but everything that is part of my life. What I am I doing with my life? Where do I want to be tomorrow?
How do I get my person? I feel like the older I get, the more of a mask I put on my face. I feel like I can't be real ever. It's not that I want to be fake, but I just don't feel like I am ever in an environment where I can be completely honest and transparent.
I am pretty close to my boss and his wife, as well as one of my roommates. But, even in those relationships, I don't get deep.
I have embarrassingly cried a lot in meetings with my boss, and just in those conversations with tears streaming down my face I have shared some, but he isn't my person. I don't really want him to handle all my issues. I am really thinking about leaving camp, and my boss isn't really the person I need to make that decision with.
How do I get my person? I live in the middle of no- where. I really want a man in my life that can be my person. I don't even need to marry him, I just need him to fill in the gap until the man I want to marry works out.
I really want someone to spell-out what I should do, and walk me through it. I want to feel safe with them and feel secure because I have a person. Someone who has my back no matter what happens.
Someday, hopefully someday soon, I hope I have a person. Until then, I need to try to be as strong as I possible can as I navigate through this life without my person.
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