Maybe someday

I made the decision to not move forward with the midwest job and have had so many mixed feelings about that decision. I overall don't think it was a good fit for me. But I have had many many days in the last 3 weeks where I have thought, "why am I still here" "this is so hard, why did I say no to that job?"

Because things have been really really hard. My job is so tough this past few weeks. I feel like I am playing catch-up and there will never be a hope of being to a point where I feel caught up. I may have to move at camp, to a really terrible house. I don't want to move at all. My house/home life was one of the big reasons I made my decision to stay.

Got the feeling #midwestjobinterview

"I just don't think this is right" is the thought I have had all afternoon. Everyone has been so nice to me. There hasn't been any giant red flag. The place is nice, its in a great spot in town, it's close to family, but I had this tinge of doubt all day (and before about it)

Today, I went on  a tour of possible houses that I would live in, one was okay (kinda bad, but not the worst) the second was AMAZING!!!!! AMAZING!!!! I was only 1 bedroom, super cute, had a private back yard, right at camp, but oh so slightly off camp. (and painted a different color so it didn't look like a camp house)

Quiet before the Interview #midwestjobinterview

I think in about an hour I have my official interview. This morning I spent time running (which by the way, I stink at when I go by myself, I was at 8 minutes and decided it was time to walk)

This place is beautiful! There are so many people near us, there are these awesome hiking trails within 1/2 mile of camp plus a state park plus this camp is on a Lake. I am realizing how much it is a family camp. And I really really think that is amazing! I met Amber, she is a wife of a worker here, and is a stay-at-home mom. She came to lunch and I was able to hang-out with her this afternoon. She gave me a tour. And I got to see into all of their cabins.
These cabins are AWESOME!!!! They are old, with the really cool wood floors. They have no insulation, so every wall just is wood with all of the studs showing. Most of them have cute mini kitchens.
There are some normal houses in the midst of camp houses, and overalll the space is really small, but every inch of it is cool.

Getting Settled #midwestjobinterview

I made it to camp. My connecting flight was great. I watched half of "The Intern" preparing myself for the week.

I flew into a small airport. An airport that was surrounded by farmland, I'm pretty sure that there aren't any sky scapers around, there were only really really old people on my flight. I went outside to get picked-up by 2 people I didn't know, that made me a little nervous that I was getting picked up by people I didn't know.

They pulled up in their minivan; I met Gabby and Travis. Gabby currently has the job that I am applying for; I learned a lot about them on our car ride. I really like them. They gave me some pretty good insight of things at camp. They are both leaving on good terms here and have plans to volunteer every summer for the next couple of years.

Heading out #midwestjobinterview

Packing up for a trip and heading out changes me a little bit. It isn't hard for me to do, but doing it makes me feel a little braver. It makes me feel like I can do anything because I am able to get through security with by bag, enter in a megaplex, find my flight and be in a different part of the world. Many things can happen in this process. Missed flights, snowstorms, delays, can't get through security etc. But it is something that I love to tackle. 

Today I am flying to the Midwest for a job interview. Whew, And I'm at a point where I don't know if I want this job, I don't know if I want to start over my life, I don't know if I want to move. 

Hurricane Head

Timing:

My hurricane's timing is so interesting to me. There are a lot of things happening and when they happen they seem significant.

The day that I got a response to have an interview happened while right after I had a major melt-down. I saw the email at the start of a conversation change how I do my job. After crying for 2 hours. Things are fast. But as I got off the phone with the director who wanted invited me to come out to see their camp, I remembered that at this exact time--3:00 pm on the Friday before Labor day, I got the same call with a job offer and plane ticket to come see the camp I currently work at.

About this time last year I went on a spontaneous trip to the midwest as well, only planning it a few days before I departed. This year, my manager has a brother that will be in town the same time that I am out of town. We are flying in and out on the same day---not planned at all (but made it very very easy to get a ride to the airport :))

Eye of the Hurricane

My head and life feels like 1 big giant hurricane. Everything is moving fast. Everything feels uncertain everything is coming at me at once, and I don't know how to process it at all or pretend to act normal when everything is crazy but oh so few people know about it.

I interviewed, did an assessment and am flying out to the camp I interviewed at this Wednesday. Less than a week ago I was convinced that I was such a low candidate for the job they didn't even bother to let me know.

Everything is moving so fast and I am in a constant stage of freaking out.