Oh man, I had a melt down what like 15 days ago, and was really not okay. I have become "okay" I don't have this dark awful cloud over me where I can't see anything good. I haven't really started to deal with my issues. I have been doing oh so much better.
Today I went to church. I was sitting between two couples and was watching couple after couple walk into the worship center. I started to cry, like embarrassing amount of tears, the stuffy nose, cry because I felt so ALONE in this crowd of people. Thankfully the lights were down, and the music was loud so I don't think anyone really notice that I was having this huge melt down in the middle of church.
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Thursday, January 14, 2016
"perspective"... scrap that...This is my mess of emotions when I tried to think about my perspective.
I have been thinking a lot about people's perspective these days. It seems like I have been bombarded in hearing about how people see the world.
But of the last few days, in the midst of hearing others perspective, I started to also become bombarded with my own perspective.
I see life out of two lenses. The "here and now" and "big picture" I have been focusing in and out of both of these views, and I'm a mess. I also have a cold, I am really tired so the strong extreme emotions I have right now I know aren't real on their own, but have influence from my sick/tired state. Even seeing that reality, I still feel not okay.
But of the last few days, in the midst of hearing others perspective, I started to also become bombarded with my own perspective.
I see life out of two lenses. The "here and now" and "big picture" I have been focusing in and out of both of these views, and I'm a mess. I also have a cold, I am really tired so the strong extreme emotions I have right now I know aren't real on their own, but have influence from my sick/tired state. Even seeing that reality, I still feel not okay.
Friday, January 08, 2016
Looking at my Life From A Few Thousand Miles Away
Sometimes you need to fly across the country and sit on the couch of old friends to get perspective on your life.
That is what I did. Yesterday I got on a plane, flew across the country to my friends Katie and Jack's house. My camp friends that I spent so much time on their couch until they moved, which is now a year and a half ago.
They are out of camp life, completely right now. They live in a neighborhood, they can drive 2 minutes and be at the grocery store. They don't go to the dining hall to get all their meals- out of camp life. I forget how small of a world I live. I forget what a normal house looks like (I live in a modular home, not a cabin by the way--that is the most common question I get about living at camp) But my friends house has stairs, a full kitchen. It is a normal house.
That is what I did. Yesterday I got on a plane, flew across the country to my friends Katie and Jack's house. My camp friends that I spent so much time on their couch until they moved, which is now a year and a half ago.
They are out of camp life, completely right now. They live in a neighborhood, they can drive 2 minutes and be at the grocery store. They don't go to the dining hall to get all their meals- out of camp life. I forget how small of a world I live. I forget what a normal house looks like (I live in a modular home, not a cabin by the way--that is the most common question I get about living at camp) But my friends house has stairs, a full kitchen. It is a normal house.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)