It is easy to waste what you have abundant of

The clouds are coming in. I am sitting outside at my table, my spot where I feel inspired and reflective all at the same time. The place where I can feel honest, can read, and work the best. I sat here yesterday, in shorts concerned about being sunburned.

Today feels dramatically different than yesterday. It's cold! I am wearing leather boots, long sleeves, and my favorite maroon puffy vest. The wind though gentle, sounds fierce and keeps swisping the hairs on the back of my neck up. It might even rain soon.
My thoughts are everywhere. I don't know what to do with my day. I don't know what I want to write about here on my blog. I  have some big subjects that I want to tackle some cool image projects that I want to create on Canva. But not feeling motivated to start them. I don't know what to do and have just been sitting here at my spot for 40 minutes deciding how to use my time.

I spent the morning lounging around watching "The Catch" on hulu. I love this show, I am feeling a little bum that I finished all the episodes made so far, and a little glad, as I would still be binge watching it, if that was the choice--which is a poor way to spend my day.

I feel like I am wasting precious time. I only get two days off a week, and I love my routines that I have created for this time, but I never seem to have time to do all that I want to do in these days. Time flies by. I get into funks where I get nothing done. I don't write, I don't read, I just don't do anything as I have my computer and books sitting in front of me.

I love writing this blog, I am working on another writing project and I want to be a better reader and learner.
I want to be better about reading the Bible and praying and being with the Lord. I have the time to do it, yet, I somehow end up not there, Target.com takes over my life, and this, the sitting and thinking. It  takes over me, I become this person who is consumed with thoughts and not doing anything with them.

People always wonder how in the world I can stand being home all day twice a week, and really, I think I could have more of this time. I feel like I can always do more. It is easy to waste what you have abundant of. If I had more time at home, would I do more at home? Or would I just be better at doing nothing? Self-discipline is hard. How do you work past that and make every moment count? How do you use your downtime? I think it is important to rest, but I think I need to embrace doing more while in this restful stage.

These paragraphs have spur so many thoughts in my head. I don't even know what I think. But, I am not going to give up. I am not going to go inside and waste more of my day on TV. I will tackle on of the things that I want to do on my days off.