everyday life with The Lord is morphing

I have been living life now for almost half a month without blogging. Though that's average for most people it's strange for me.

 A lot has happened in me-- with my character and relationship with God. 

I was in week 7 lesson 5, of my bible study homework when I was finally able to really honestly pray. And to really pray about Skip.

It may not sound like a huge surrender, but it is. It is me coming to God in prayer and asking Him to work in my life in the way I don't understand. I feel like I repeat myself over and over again when I pray about skip. I feel like God already spoke and I don't need to keep praying about it.  It is already set-up. 

But I'm learning that prayer is getting to know God. I don't need to fill my time with The Lord with lists of wants, but seeking to know him. I need to know the side of God that can speak to me. Tell me what is to come and understand that side of our relationship. To grow and become really okay with the relationship he designed us to have. To learn from him what that should look like in everyday life. 

The next day, I prayed out loud--in my car while driving. I talked for 20-ish minutes. The Lord told me to read Corinthians--I haven't actually done that fully yet.... It needs to come ...

Arts and crafts!

Went to Ben's birthday party today and look at the banner. I painted that! 

Then I found out it was one of my co-worker' moms 83 birthday on tuesay. I really really like her (she stay at camp for a month this summer and LOVED hanging out with her) she was fascinated by how the Sysco truck could make it to our dinning hall and always insisted on watching come in and out of camp. So I made this for her birthday card. 

Feeling crafty! Love it! 

Peace-out

-Becky 

My bowl of rice turned into a hotdish tonight...and it's amazing!

So I was just throwing together some dinner tonight, and somehow made this masterpiece of a meal. 

Here's what I did:

Made Brown rice (like the package says to: boil 1 cup water, add 1/2 rice once it boils with a little bit of salt and butter) 

I threw in a handful of washed cilantro in the pot.

 

Sauté onion in butter, added to rice pot (I had to add water to rice pot tonight, it may have been due to adding onion, watch for that in your meal) 

Cook Italian sausage, I get the links from the store (like bratwurst shape) and take the casings off and cook in a pan since I'm cooking for just me. 

Once rice is done mix it with sausage in a bowl, add a tad of butter, feta cheese and fresh cilantro in top and BOOM! You have what I made in the picture. It's amazing! 

Notes: I have never bought cilantro until this week, and avoided recipes that had it. Turns out it comes in a bag, next to the bag lettuce at target. All you do (or at least what I did) was was it and rip it up and throw it in. Tastes mmm..mmm...good! 

Sausage in casings is a really easy way to make a one person portion. Once I discovered you can do this, I do it all the time. It makes it really easy. And trader joe has a big selection. 

How to recover from the best times of our lives

I have been wanting to rewatch Gilmore Girls from start to finish for about 6 months now. I first decided to wait until summer was over, then have it be what I start when jack and Katie left. I'm almost at a full week from their departure, and I can't get myself to turn it on.

You see, Gilmore Girls was the token tv show during the best year of my life. The year that I interned in Wisconsin. The year that I had close and real friends within my house. The year I was stretch and grown as a person on this earth as well as really growing and getting what it means to follow Jesus. 

The year I understood conflict and how to honor Christ in that(both successfully and in failure) the year where I discovered ice canoeing, how to belay, how to fix a bow for archery and how to facilitate a small group in team building. It was a great year. 

And though at this very moment things aren't bad they aren't as perfect as it was then. And I wonder, really wonder.. How do you recover from really great experiences? 

I struggled so much when I moved from my ideal camp in Wisconsin, to a really hard camp in Minnesota. And I wonder, was the camp really that terrible in MN? Or did it just seem that way because I just came from the promise land?

I am learning a lot this fall from my two bible studies. I feel like I have been extremely busy for it being the slow camping season at camp. My life has been filled with things; I feel like I have to now fight for alone time-which is a really good place to be. 

I have mentioned before, but I have felt the pressure about my budget for work and being so far from having our income match what we need to make this year. 

I have been crunching numbers and working and trying to figure out how to make it happen. How to be close with the buget. And in adding in how we are doing in October and the excess we had come in this spring. There is a really really good chance that I will make it. Or the worst case scenario, only be short $10,000. (A month ago I was projected at being $40,000 or more short) which is exciting, really really exciting. The program side of camp is doing terrible (they are about $40,000 short this fall and their total income should be $67,500) so I am realizing that not all the blame is on my shoulders and it's not all my fault. 

I had a chance to influence what my income will be for 2015 to set that budget. And I played it safe. I really really want it to be less stress next year. I don't want to feel like I am constantly failing, constantly behind. But instead have fun and embrace the ministry and work that The Lord is doing within the budget that we are making. 

I got sidetracked there. But that's okay, it's my blog right?! :) 

It's Sunday, and I'm working in the office. I think it's time to listen to this weeks sermon! 

5 thoughts, one long post.

I have about 3-5 blog posts in my head right now. I am floating with thoughts. 

Today was my first "off"day without Katie. I have been convicted about my thoughts of fleeing camp, I read some good stuff on God speaking to us (and some I don't understand) I painted a cute dinosaur for a b-day party, and have been thinking about Skip a lot. As I wrote this intro, I think I'm going to make this a long blog and cover it all. Okay, here we go!

1. First off day without Katie.

Its really sad and hard. I don't like going to town by myself. I like being with her and spending time together. I am going to have a really hard time going and being solo.as well as being at my house so much. 

2.Convicted of my thoughts about fleeing camp. 

I read this: 

This describes me to a T. This is how I felt all summer and this fall. I need to focus on God and Him alone. And not let my self get in the way. 

3. Read some good stuff on God speaking to us. 

Also in "Experiencing God" I read this paragraph that says:

"Once we know we've heard God, we can proceed with absolute confidence, even if we can't see how things will work out. God always stand by his word. (page 131) 

This is so comforting about Skip for me. I don't know how it's going to work out. But I know that it will because The Lord spoke. 

A few lines later the book says

"The verifification of Gods message is that what a person hears becomes a reality"

I HATE this sentence. It makes this waiting period SO CONFUSING! I know that this book isn't the word of God, I wish though, it was more clear of how to move forward. Which I know the answer to that. I need to love The Lord first and be so close to him his will will be in my heart and my actions will all come from him. And that is how I need to pray and move forward. 

4. Look at my dinosaur painting:  

It's for my bosses son 10th birthday party. I made it out of tag board. Really easy and cheap. Once the whole banner is done I will show you all. 

5. Thinking of Skip

Even though I don't blog about him a lot, I have been thinking a lot about Skip. I need to figure out how to pray for him and how The Lord wants me to come before him in this situation. 

Those are all my snippet thoughts for the night. 

Thanks for reading! 

Becky

Baking party

I feel like all of a sudden my life has become crazy busy, with jack and Katie moving, roommate and co-worker having friends come and visit us at camp, and trying my best to be fully invested in two Bible studies, i feel like I have no spare time, it's been 2 weeks of craziness. I left camp bible study to go home and bake something for tomorrow's bible study. I decided on making scones. Here they are: 

(Before I baked them, but they looked about the same when they came out.)

My latose intolerant roommate told me I had to use up her heavy whipping cream and make whipped cream for them. So I did, never done that before. I almost made butter. 

Then to finish up my cutest homemaker, women's bible study night I created cute signs for my food. 

Cheesy I know. But it was fun. 

I am going to bible study all by myself tomorrow. I'm a little nervous. I don't like driving that far on these scary mountain roads and I don't like going to church by myself. I'm glad though I have lots of relationships there now. 

Saying farewell to some dear friends

Katie, jack and baby b just left camp. I'm sad. I was the only one who cried at their good-bye. I'm really really sad. Tears keep welling up in my eyes. 

I spent all of my time at their house. I never felt like a third wheel with them. I liked everyone in their family. I went to town with them. I played with their baby. We watch tv together. Laughed together. Could be completely honest with them. 

I really love them. So sad that they are gone. And have anxiety about going on in  living on top of this mountain with out them close to help me with normal life obstacles.   

Great blog mandy hale

1. I really really like Mandy Hale and how she is so brave and strong in her words. I am so thankful she writes amazing things like this. 

2. I am so thankful for married friends who always include me, instead of exclude me. 

3. I am thankful that I have a single male friend who I can so couple-y things with and have no feelings for. Just so I don't feel like an obvious 3rd wheel to the general public

That's it. Time to go over to jack and Katie's and finish up packing their house. They are moving to Georgia today. Really hard and sad. 

Love The Lord

The Lord loves me. He really really loves me. His love isn't limited to just me, he loves all. If you love him back and pursue that relationship that he designed us to have with him-- we get that. We can have a great personal intimate relationship with him. One that is so strong that it trumps everything else going on in life. We can be at a place where we have nothing but him and feel complete. Satisfied. Fulfilled. 

I'm not at that place, and before this weekend I didn't think that was a realistic goal. I feel like I have to have all these other things. Great worship, epic heart of prayer, words, deep understanding and in doing this I would develop this deep love. That these things would make me kinda who i describe. That is all backwards. It starts with loving God and in this love you become close to God and in that relationship you become more like him and that is where all the things I have our pushing comes out of me. 

If you haven't noticed, The Lord has been teaching and shaping me a lot these past few days. And the things that he has been working are so simple, but have had this huge impact on my life. 

As I said. I'm not in this place yet. But I can get there. I need to open up my heart and allow The Lord to shape it to fit his and let my heart be full and satisfied in loving him

Love God

Here's yet another book quote for you to read: 

Do I love God? Really love him. Not just respect, worship, honor etc. but love Him. I always assumed that I did. It tells me all over the bible that I need to. I know that God loves me, but do I love him? 

My friend Katie has a 20(ish) month old son. I'm with him all the time. I really love this kid. I want to hug him tightly and never let go. I always want him in my lap, to walk and hold my hand, to laugh and repeat my words. I love this kid. I don't have that same type of love for him as I do for God. I think I need to change that. I think I need to see God more as that type of father to me, than simply someone I overly respect and honor.  

Prayer processing #3

So, I've been making you read pages of books lately, and I'm going to make you do it again today as well. 

What I'm posting today does not make sense to me. It's not sitting right with me. And when that happens it's either because if these two reasons.

        1. It's truth and I don't want to obey

        2. It's false and I should flee it. 

It's tricky when you don't know which one is the right one--moving forward and not knowing which one is right will lead me to very different places. 

Here's my page quotes: 

[I cut things out of these pages, I just am showing you the main thing I am wrestling with]

picture#1 this sounds great but why doesn't she tell me where that happens in scripture? Where is this concept shown?

Picture#2 I didn't feel compelled to pray. I thought of things I should maybe pray for out of Christian duty, but not this deep inner compelled feeling that I need pray now for and in

Picture#3 so sense I didn't feel that feeling God is not drawing me? I also don't get where this traintrack illustration is coming from...where does the bible talk about this concept. 

Today's homework seems creepy and unbiblical to me.. I really really want to know where these concepts and word pictures come out of the bible... Having them not point back to it makes me feel like I'm reading a Joyce Myers book. (I've actually never read Joyce Myers, but this seems to be her MO) 

Learning is wrestling through things, so I know that this is a good process for me. I just can't quit in it. 

Prayer processing part 2

Read this:

[i flipped the page--reason for 2 pictures-- nothing was edited out of this paragraph]

These paragraphs makes sense to me. It makes me feel satisfied in my role of prayer. It's still meaningful if I engage The Lord in it, and I don't have the pressure or guilt of the world failing by not me engaging in prayer enough. But I am struggling in accepting this as truth--biblical truth. I feel like I like this happy medium too much.theres no scripture that backs this up, how do I know that this is right? This Bible study has put me on a whirlwind of ways to think and process how to pray. Putting this in the mix seems too easy.

I am processing a lot of biblical/spiritual things today. I should pray and seek clarity on this and the other that I share about below. 

I think I'm changing a lot spiritually these days. I am thinking, processing and chewing on truths and thoughts lots more than I have in the past. 

 (Another is from exodus, and God killing 3,000 people for claiming to worship God, but made themselves a golden calf and actually just worshipped themselves, and pretended to worship God--and how that applies to my life and world now)