When You Pray and Read..

I binged watched "Melissa and Joey" today. I think I watched 13 episodes. Finally at 3:45 I turned off the TV. Decided I would spend the next 15 minutes cleaning up the kitchen and when the clock reads 4:00 pm. I would take some time to start reading "Beautiful Uncertainly" by Mandy Hale.

It rained last night, one of those amazing rains, where simply water falls from the sky-- no wind, no thunder, nothing but soft rain drops hitting the ground. So when I went outside to read, it was the perfect amount of chill in the air, with those big white kinda storming clouds over half the sky that gives everything this cool, eerie green tint to it.

I kinda read the endorsements and made it to page 9. Mandy had amazing things to say. But as she was talking about her relationship with the Lord, I knew that I needed to put the book down and spend some time with the Lord tackling my Isaiah Bible Study.

Studying Isaiah has been really hard for me. I feel like I am just glazing over all those flowy violent words but have no idea what is going on. I am so lost.
What is God doing? Who are these people? Why are they talking about desert animals, what does that mean? What are they talking about with this banner? Why is there a war? Who is fighting who? What did they do? Who are the Medes? Are they for God or against? Why are they being destroy? Wait, are they being destroyed?


These are only some of the questions that I ask myself when I read, and I ask them over and over and over again. I know that God is huge in this book, and that there are so many significant things going on within the book but it is SO HARD for me to see, it is so hard for me gather the meaning and things from the words that I read.

Before I started my study today, I wrote this prayer on top of my lesson plan:
"God may I see you, YOU in this study, may my eyes open up and see who you were then and who you are now and how they connect to this book. May I not be confused, but in awe of understanding, learning and growth in who you are God" 
I see this as a bold prayer, and I expected to be able to read through the passages once and get a fairly good idea of what was going on, I read my group of verses, I started no knowing what was going on, and after a few verses I my eyes were just glazing over the page, reading each word just as a word and seeing nothing more than just that.

I felt so discouraged. Here I was, trying to see God's help, and I am clueless of what is going on. I went inside and got my laptop. I was reading the commentary on the passages by www.enduringword.com, that helped, but still is lost, I went inside again. I got "The Message" Bible, and read the verses from that translation. Still kinda lost, but was kinda getting some meaning. I had to work at it. I had to keep reading different things, thinking about it, piecing in the clues to answer the questions in my workbook.

I was able to answer them all. I have a more clear view of what was going on in that time. I know that Babylon is going to be destroyed and that no one is going to ever inhabit the land (which turns out to be true-- I don't know where Babylon is suppose to be though) I learned that God is going to bring His people back, and those who use to rule over them will live with them. That some evil king who thought of himself as better than God will be in hell and that God has a purpose and no one change him, his hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back. Isaiah 14:27

Though there is way more to this passage than I can see and understand at this time, It is clear that God knows what is going on, he saw how Babylon was going to be destroyed, and we cannot change His purpose. He answered my prayer, even though I didn't see Him doing so at first, and I hope that He keeps opening my eyes to who He is.