I am a blogger

I have been a blogger for 3 years now, and I have never told anyone that I write a blog, never spoke it, I don't think that anyone has ever caught me. It is probably the biggest secret that I have kept. I have been really intentional at not telling any one about this process that I am in.

I do however, have one friend who is an open blogger. She writes for her friends and family. She shares her writings on her Facebook page. I am so proud of her. That is so hard to be open to sharing everything that is going on in her life. I think what she does takes a lot of bravery. But it takes away part of the honesty that comes from sharing anonymously. There is this pressure to tweak everything so that it sounds a little nicer, and little more PC, you aren't able to ever speak badly about anyone or anything when people know who you are. I am thankful that I do not have that pressure. I am thankful that I can be completely honest and not have to live with people being hurt or mad at what I say in day to day life. I think having the ability to be completely transparent is so good for me. This is the only way that I really dig in and understand the feelings I have so often.

There are some things that I don't like about having anonymous blog. I wish people understood my feelings that I express here, but I can't share that without letting people know that I write a blog. I wish that I could have a bigger readership. I only have people who don't know me read my blog. 

Lately, I have been jealous with my one friend who has a blog. She just got her own website, she writes everyday, she has a pretty big following and she is in the process of getting her platform. She is becoming fancy by pre-writing blogs and having them post on later days her website. Figuring out what people want to read about and focusing in on her writing on those things.

Even though she has no idea that I am writing a blog, I feel all this pressure to blog like she does. I know that posts figuring out all my feelings aren't going be be well-read. I know that posting at midnight isn't the best practice. I have learned some tricks to do to make more people read my blog. But doing these things takes away from the reason that I blog. 

I started this blog to share about my journey of listening to God about marrying Skip. But it turns out that there are so much more going on in my life than just that. I have learned that there are a lot of things that I face in this "sea" That you can't boil your life down to just one single track. There is a lot more going on. 

I want to write more. And as much as I would love to increase readership, that cannot and won't be the reason that I write. I want to work on being more transparent. To explore more thoughts that I think. 

I want to thank you for connecting with me. For reading my thoughts for helping me grow in this journey. 

I hope I will always be true and honest here. I hope blogging continues to be my safe place.