Run

A lot of things have improved in my life. A lot. I really feel like I can't complain about much, if you compare it to my life a year ago. Even though so much has improved; I don't think I'm better yet. 

I wanted to start this post talking about how things are not okay. How I am having issues at the amount of things said in secret at camp, and how I don't what's being said....

How I feel insecure and uneasy about comments a person made to me at lunch about how I need to sell camp and set-it-up so their husband can get paid. --it made me really feel like I suck more at my job than I think I suck and how I don't want to be a pushy sales person at all. ...Especially for camp, especially since I think our camp is only sub-par. 

I think I am getting burned-out. I don't want to serve people. I don't want to have to remember so many details- I hate having to remember so much stuff at once and not being able to recall all the little details for EVERYTHING! 

Honestly, I think I am still in flee mode like I was in June. I think I have constantly been there since then with pockets of moments where I cover it up with forced content. 

I don't think it's time for me to go yet though, I really don't. Even with everything inside of me screams "run" I have this overpowering feeling that I need to stay. It's not my time. 

But, I just want to run.