From Anger To Skip, --A Mind Jump Night.

Just now I was getting ready for bed, I was very upset. I let the arrogant words of the brand new program hire get to me. In his exit of my house, he managed to stay that the entire purpose of my job is nothing, not like the program that he is about to do.

As I took out my contacts, and brushed my teeth, I was so angry about the situation. It really really really bothers me when people do not see rental retreats as ministry, when they insult the purpose and mission of it.--It is my heart.

While I was washing my face, my mind jumped. Back to the days of living in Denver.
To Skip and our times together. That season of my life seems so long ago. A lot of the memories from those days seem like a blur, I don't remember the detail, I don't remember much that happen. But I have so many memories of Skip that I can see in my head like I am watching a movie they are so clear. A lot of them are  small pieces. A memory of watching a 40 minute TV show in his basement, and mocking it the entire time while sitting close. Eating ice cream in his kitchen on day. Making fun of him after he returned from visiting home and his mom made him get a haircut that made him look like he was a "drug rehab" guy, Sitting in my car on the phone with him trying to talk him skipping out on his editing project and to come to the party that I was about to walk into (He totally rejected me by the way didn't show up at all, and everyone at this party was super awkward. It was pretty terrible)

I can go on, and on. As I wrapped up washing my face and was walking out of the bathroom. It occurred to me that I had no reason to think about Skip. I was mad about what this new co-worker said to me. How did my mind get to Skip?

I haven't really gone down memory lane in a long time. I haven't actually thought about Skip as a person since December (it may have even been before then) I often see him more now as this weird promise that the Lord has given me. Yes, when I think about him I see his face in my mind. But I forget about how he is a person. I forget about how much fun we had together. I forget about a personality of me comes out, that I was only in that season of my life.

It is crazy how good that last year that I lived in Denver was for me. At the time, I thought it was the worst year of my life. I lost all the comfort and fun of college. And in the mourning of that, I missed how much better that season of my life was. College was always fun. I seriously had a blast almost every day. But, I didn't grow as a person the same way I did that year after that.

I didn't think much of Skip in the peak of our friendship. We were friends, along with his roommate Mick and we did things together because all of our other friends left us. At the moment, that was our only connection. We no longer have our real friends in our lives, so we hang out--it was better than being alone.

Our relationships weren't serious at all. I didn't even feel a need to be a loyal friend-- that's how little of a commitment we had.

I don't know how, but I forget that Skip is a real person in this journey. I forget that the fun, I forget how well we connected and enjoyed our year of living in the same city. I get so hung up on the logistics of how this is going to work out, I forget about who this is going to work out with. I think I keep that off my mind because it makes me hurt of the lost time we are having right now. About all the years we have had apart, and all the years that we may continue to have a part.

I think that is part of what makes me want to quit on this journey. It makes me feel like I am wasting time where I could have these amazing memories of doing things with a person I LOVE, instead of waiting and thinking of what I am missing out on. I don't know how to have fun adventures on my own.