Envious love

I have been really behind in watching the Bachelor. I am watching Monday's episode right now; it is Thursday.

Jojo is coming out of the helicopter and walking towards Ben seeing if she was going to be engaged or not. She says, "I have seen other people's relationships, and I have been so envious of what they have, and now I am at a place with Ben where now other people will be envious of our love." (close paraphrase, I can never actually get a perfect quote down)

hmmm... I think this is a moment when a little too much honesty came out on the Bachelor.
One of the things that we think but never dare to say aloud and in the pressure of being on TV it just comes out. But it is something that we all think.

I don't know if I have ever heard anyone say that, but I think so many people have thought that. I have thought that. I feel like I need to have this perfect relationship, which people need to feel envious of me. That is a goal of our lives. We make this goal because we have felt jealous of other people's love story. We want our lives to look like theirs. We want others to want what we have in our love relationship.

Part of me thinks this is a good thing, part of me thinks this is the worst desire ever. I believe there are good things about being in a relationship and having people recognize the good things that are happening within that relationship, but I hope that I truly do not desire to make people feel bad about who they are or what they are doing by where I am in life. I think that is true in anything. Love, career, social, etc. But people get to us. People rub us the wrong way, and we get in this mode of wanting to show up or do anything to hurt how they have made us feel. It is almost like it is a catch 22.

Maybe I am not ready for love because my desire for it, is still to feel socially accepted by my peers. Part of me is wanting love so that I don't feel rejected and look lonely but those I encounter.
That is a hard reality to face. Man, another time of self reflection coming from an episode of the bachelor.

PS. I totally guess that Ben and Lauren B would end up together in the middle of the first episode. I feel a little victourious for getting that right SO early in the game. I also LOVE them together and think I would feel so sad if they weren't the final couple.