Steaming in anger

This is the verse church was about this past weekend. It's been eating me up for days. I didn't go, and I really don't feel ready to listen to it. Tonight, Tuesday night, I finally had the courage to look at the sermon notes. To read the verse above. 

I have become enraged with anger lately. Enraged! I'm am constantly mad, almost any small thing will completely set me off. The little things are eating away at me. As you have read my posts in the past few days, I am in flight mode, I don't know all that is eating away at me, I feel of very little value. And as people affirm me, I feel less and less of value, as though that confirmation is needed, because they see I'm about to fall apart. And I know KNOW that I'm replaceable, and if they replaced me now, would the new person thrive so much better than me?

My boss texted me this tonight: 

I stared at it for a long while. Processing what he meant. I didn't go to staff worship yesterday night. I talked to him on Friday about how I'm struggling. I met with him today, we kinda talked about how I was doing, but not really. Was he hurt that I didn't go last night? Was he glad that I was joining the group tonight? Did I do something wrong before and now I'm on the right track? 

This is how I replied:  

          thanks ________, a lot of 

He talked about prayer tonight, and the importance of it, and how to do it. I know this all, but it's hard to move forward in, when you are angry. 

I need to muster up the courage to listen to the sermon. Though it will most likely be stretching, it will be really good for me to grow in this area. 

Also, I am not going to apply for thie job I really really want to apply for unless God puts in my life a person to encourage me to do so. I need not run away, but instead work in God's timing, and that's the way I asked The Lord to make it clear if I need to move in that direction.