Waiting on Gods faithfulness

I'm in such a different place than I was a few months ago. I was waiting on Gods faithfulness and now I'm figuring out where I am with this guy who returned to my life out of the woodwork. I've started processing and figuring out God things on this blog instead of turning and talking to Him and reflecting about it here. I heard yesterday that you have to hit rock bottom before you can see how you rebelled against God. I would say that right now I am far from rock bottom and see my rebellion. And I am so thankful that God has allowed me my few steps off trail before I ended up in a pit. But it still seems hard to turn back from my old ways.  It seems shameful to go back to God after turning my back on our relationship again and again in the simple part of doing life together and having Him lead the day to day part of my life. But I need to. I need to seek after Him and find and figure out how to faithfully follow him in every lesson and stage my life brings to me. It's all about surrendering, which is so dang hard to do!