Settling excuses

God is God and I am not. I am thankful that God is beyond my comprehension. I am thankful that God handles and deals with all the crap in this world and I don't have that burden. God knows all and reveals to us in His timing what we need to know. At church on Sunday, my pastor talked about the crap that women conferences put in women's heads to think the men in their lives are aren't good enough spiritually and that they need to step up and be the spiritual leader of the home, etc. things like that have always made me mad, but it clicked Sunday for me. I don't like displacing blame on things that don't need blame. I don't think talking to women about the shortcoming of guys is fair. No one forced you to get married. You should know who you are committing your entire life to, and you should know them well. If you don't approve how they how God and how they are leading you, don't marry them! But instead, I feel like so many ppl settle. And then go to conferences and complain about their decision and make others doubt what they are doing that is working for them. I'm old and single. I'm not in the dating scene, I thought I was being faithful in The Lord by waiting for skip. I threw that out the window after having my mind set on that for 2 years. Now, I'm actively wanting to date a guy, who is so open and real with me, but has a past that is so counter to mine, and blew me off a few days ago. Him blowing me off hurt more than it should. It was a slow hurt, it took many hours after the fact to sink in. It proved to me that ham is very flaky, and that even though he is putting in all this effort into us via chat,text and calls. He is not committed enough to spend the FaceTime. I'm not done. I'm not throwing in the towel quite yet. But I'm moving forward with caution. I feel like this limbo land could hurt us the worst, because we aren't really giving anything a chance. We aren't open and real with each other of what our relationship means or what we want to do with it. I feel like one of us will eventually walk away and both of us will live in the land if "what ifs"  

God is big, God is bold. He is so much more than these random thoughts. 

Lord walk me through this journey in this time, let me hear your voice clearly now in this and whatever you need me to hear from you now.