Eye of the Hurricane

My head and life feels like 1 big giant hurricane. Everything is moving fast. Everything feels uncertain everything is coming at me at once, and I don't know how to process it at all or pretend to act normal when everything is crazy but oh so few people know about it.

I interviewed, did an assessment and am flying out to the camp I interviewed at this Wednesday. Less than a week ago I was convinced that I was such a low candidate for the job they didn't even bother to let me know.

Everything is moving so fast and I am in a constant stage of freaking out.


My boss was about to leave for the day last Thursday, no one was in the office and he walked up to me while I was sitting at my desk, he put his arm on my shoulder and quietly said, "I don't think it is time for you to leave here"

BOOM!

He wanted to go, I wanted to have about 1,000 more words to go behind that statement. He didn't give me any.
This situation triggered a story I once hear about a guy who felt like he needed to leave his church even though nothing was wrong, he just felt like he didn't belong there anymore, it no longer was his church. He talked to his pastor (and good friend) about it and his pastor said, "I have been waiting for the Lord to show you this, he has prepared me to know it is time for you to go"

After hearing that story, my prayer was that this would me my situation, and my boss just told me the opposite. I told him right there, that I am not going to take the job, that was clear. I then was told by 2 other people that is a stupid plan, I can't do that because of that.

So here I am a confused mess, oh once again. I have been praying about it, but not the way that I should be.

This week is going to be hard. It is going to emotional. It already has been that, but I need to be smart today. It is the eye of my storm, it is the only day that I won't feel like everything around me is chaos and that I may have to make a hard decision at the end of it.

I made it to the final two candidates for this job, I secretively hope they choose the other person. Then I won't feel guilt for having this camp paying for me to fly out to see them and saying no, or having to really decide if I want to uproot my entire life and move to something new.

Becky, you are brave and strong. Act brave and strong, you can do this. God lead me in every action and thought. Keep me on the right path, show me the right thing to do.