Hurricane Head

Timing:

My hurricane's timing is so interesting to me. There are a lot of things happening and when they happen they seem significant.

The day that I got a response to have an interview happened while right after I had a major melt-down. I saw the email at the start of a conversation change how I do my job. After crying for 2 hours. Things are fast. But as I got off the phone with the director who wanted invited me to come out to see their camp, I remembered that at this exact time--3:00 pm on the Friday before Labor day, I got the same call with a job offer and plane ticket to come see the camp I currently work at.

About this time last year I went on a spontaneous trip to the midwest as well, only planning it a few days before I departed. This year, my manager has a brother that will be in town the same time that I am out of town. We are flying in and out on the same day---not planned at all (but made it very very easy to get a ride to the airport :))


I am really confused. I can't stop thinking about my life and where I want to be. I am starting to realize that I feel so at home where I am at, and that giving it up is going to be SO HARD.

My bosses words, "I don't think your time here is done" keeps replaying in my head over and over again. I think it's true. But I am leaving in 3 days to see if my whole life is going to be somewhere else, is going to look completely different.
Support: 

I have now told 3 people that I work with that I am thinking about leaving. 3 people that I am really really close with, they have all taken it really well. They have all supported me and been kind to me. 3 people isn't a ton, but it is meaningful, why is the world am I thinking about leaving them? There is no guarantee that I will get community like if I leave, I may hate my boss and job and everything is life stinks if I go. There is no guardetee that things will be great where I am going. But everything here can fall apart as well. There is a risk with either decision.
Leaving Home:
Right now this is happening behind me. A family of deer playing maybe 40 feet away from me. I may not get that ever again in my life.

I won't get perfect weather year-round. I won't get to sit daily on my back patio with virually no bugs on a regular basis.

I know people who have left the camp that I work at, to go to another and they hated it! HATED IT! There were so many things wrong with it that they ended up out of camp ministry and are working normal jobs now. I don't want that to happen to me! I don't want to have such a terrible experience that I feel desprate. Right now I have a boss that I can talk openly and honestly about leaving and he still treats me kindly. He still handles me well even though I am freaking out constantly. He is covering for me when I go out to tour this new place. That is so kind. I can't even believe that I am thinking about walking away from my boss. I think when it comes to respect, he is who I respect the most in the world, by a lot. He is a big authority in my life, not because he forces himself to be that, but my respect for him is so great that I want him to be a big authority in my life. It is good for me to have him leading in what I do.
Freak-out:
I don't know what to do today, I am very aware that I'm not acting normal, but how do I be normal? What am I doing? How should I be acting?
Prayer:
God, please guide me in this! I need you, I can't and don't want to do this on my own.