Who am I going to be? #getoveryourselfbecky

What do I want to be?

Do I want to be this person who is stuck on living in a world of "what if" Do I want to be this person who doesn't like where her life is and spends her days depressed, avoiding relaity and sitting on the couch and watching tv?

Is that what I want for myself? Because that is who I have become.

OR

Do I want to be a person who pursues God and a relationship with Him no matter what the specs of my life look like?

Do I want to be a person who isn't afraid to stand up and grow in my relationship with the Lord even when I don't know what the result will mean for me.


Do I want to be a brave strong person, who doesn't get to impress anyone with their brave and strongness.

I just watched this book preview: http://shereadstruthbook.com/  (click "book preview link" )

And it was a reality check.

I am not who I want to be. And frankly, as I sit here on my back patio, I don't know if I can even become the person I want to be.

I don't pray, I don't read my Bible. These two tasks are rare for my life right now. I don't love it, but I don't know if I can be the person I want to be even if I intergrate these two actions into my life.

I don't feel close to God right now. I feel very very far away.

I have been close, but that past feeling feels so distant. Unreachable right now.

Even though my entire life feels like it isn't where it should be, and I have no control on so many things, I do have complete control in how I treat and pursue the Lord.

I know that is the most important thing, but I don't treat it as important.

I am a mess, we all know that I am a HUGE MESS. But it's time to let go of being that mess, and grow and be grounded in the LORD. It's time to let him do his job instead of me doing it and claiming that he is in charge.

It is time to change.