Feeling Stuck

I am now 30 years old; I haven't heard a peep about that job in the Midwest (its been over two weeks) and I feel stuck.

I had a melt-down on Friday, I am tired of having plans fall through and retreats not going as people planned. I am tired of not having everything put together always, and I am tired of having a manager that doesn't help me when I am so desperately needing help, but expecting me to have it all put together.

I don't know how I function. I don't know how other people do this. I don't think I am very good at living how my life is set-up right now and I feel like I am in so deep here that I don't know how to go back.


I am DONE with being single. Nothing makes me sicker than knowing that I am stuck in this stage of life. I just want to be married, have step kids (I'm too far behind to be making my own now) Live in this great house and go to the cabin every weekend with my family.

I want this SO BADLY! I want to go fishing, to have a garden, fresh vegetables, I want to do family things. I don't want to live alone and be alone.

I really don't have it that bad. I need to stop daily having a pity party for myself. But how do I change this? How do I be who I want to be?

There's a single cute group leader coming up to camp this week, maybe something great will happen.

But finding a guy here doesn't help me with my desire to be in the mid-west with my dream, but I will take what I can get.