A farmer's patience

It's been a few days since I have wrote. I want you all to know that I am doing better. I am mentally stable again. I don't have a plan, not at all. But at I am thinking clearly. 

I have missed blogging. It has only been a few days since I have written anything. In fact probley less than a week. But with this becoming my routine, taking it out feels like something is missing. 

I went to church on Sunday. It was incredibly good. We learned about farmers and how they have patience and work really hard and yet don't get any yield from their work until the harvest. That our obedience to God is measured by our obedience-- that it is okay to be discouraged,and or angry as long as we don't sin in that. 

There are so many things I have been thinking about walking away from church.  With skip, I often have these huge breakdowns. I feel this need to wait and do nothing, at least involving him. But I think that I need do nothing. First I need to trust God in this, and never give up (see my notes, that is clearly step 2&3) and also work hard. I hear #theSW right now in my head. Giving me her advice that we don't need to become perfect or be made complete from a man, but that we need to strive to be who we want to be- and no man can resist that (obviously not a direct quote mandy hale says that SO much better and accurately)

There are things that I want to work on. Clearly there are also things that I need to work on as well. Now is the time. Camp is over. I can began to think clearly again. I can spend time on me, and working on who I need to be. 

I want to become healthier. I want my stomach to stop bloating, I want to be fit, lean. I want to be closer to Jesus. I want to actively be in the Word. I want to be more like God. I want to be wise. --these i can do now. This is what I can do anywhere or time to change my life. And now is the ideal time to work on both of them. 

Don't forget: 

I can do that, and work on changing the things that need to change but takes time and is a process to do.