Interview set, time to retreat, insecurities revealed yet again

It musta been at least 2 weeks since I submitted an application for a camp in the kinda south. I gave up and forgot about it. I didn't think seriously about getting it and moved on to new options, oh so many options. Today, as I was sitting in the backseat of my boss's car, as we are going up to a nearby camp for a retreat I get an email from this camp wanting to set-up an interview time. I thankfully replied right away-- it's on Thursday. 

As we are on staff retreat, I have had mixed feelings, and we aren't even a full 7 hours into it. I partly love that we have going on here. We live and do life together. I have really connected with my roommate who came last April. It's not all bad. 

BUT there are a lot of people that I do not connect with. That I truly dislike. That I don't want to be around. One in particular has so many cross-overs in my life and as we did department breakout sessions and discussions. I realized how little of influence and significance I have here. And I have this relationship struggle that makes it so I am unable to move forward in so many ways. 

I think my lack of comfort here continues to get stronger and stronger the longer I am here. And it's hard. It should be getting easier. I should feel like I am apart the group instead of a distant being. 

Lord,

As I am in this season of life, unsure of where I'm going or doing or even pursuing what to do. As I process and accept skip dating another girl, a girl he is excited to be with. As I feel unsure about you and our relationship in this big season of change. I pray that you will be my rock. That I will be deeply rooted in you. As I feel all these unsure feelings I would be emotionally moving in faith-- faith that knowing no matter what happens or becomes you are in completely in control and that you care for me and what happens in my small world. God I want comfort, I want it so badly, and i pray that you trump that desire in my life for a desire to want to live a life full of trust in you. (Comfort is always welcome with the process) 

God may your word be my passion that pray from me to you is more than a regular (or seldom) routine but an action that pours out of me constantly and that my heart is molded to be sincere, real and intimate with you in our constant prayer life. 

Teach me all that I need to know here and now. Be with me in the process of these specific struggles I am currently facing. Guide me and the logistics of my life now and make me a person and in a place that I can serve you best of my skills and abilities. 

I love you lord. I praise you for who you are and what you have done. Your love is greater than I. Thank you for extending it to me.