Retreat review

Ready to hear all about my staff retreat? 

We got there, they made us a delicious lunch, went through the Myers-brigg, and had an awkward evening free time-- after a while a group of us got together and started to hang outside together. It was fun. Having lots of free time at camp when I don't have a lot of friends there gives me anxiety because I am afraid I will be stuck by my self--and miserable. I feel a need to be overly proactive at ensuring that doesn't happen. 

 I discovered the next morning that our cabin had bed bugs, which is the worst thing for both a camp and person to go through on a retreat. I have often gone through the camp side of it, but I haven't ever had all my stuff exposed to the bugs, had the fear of bringing them home into my house.

Bed bug infested cabin brings lot of adventure to a retreat, everything I owned that is cloth had to go in a dryer on hot for an hour. We wiped down all our toiletries to ensure no bed bugs eggs were laid on them. Was moved from our modern cabin to a super cute cabin WAY out in the woods (ten minute hike up a trail) with a really rustic outbath near our cabin. -if you want to see pictures of the cabin, look at my post from last night for it. 

They kept getting the bedding we needed wrong and the camp host had to come out 3 times to get us pillows and blankets. Our cabin was freezing cold and mattresses as thin and hard as it could be. And yet, none of our new cabin adventures was awful, it was in fact really fun and really memorable. 

--

We had a campfire last night, and for their set-up, the camp host has to be at the campfire with you. And me being me, I needed to talk and know all about him. Not even a minute into our conversation, I realize that my approach  is most likely taken as flirting by not only him but all of my co-workers around me. At that point, I feel like there is no way out of it without being obvious or overly awkward, so I just went with it and tried to include others in our conversation.  He was the one who kept coming and getting us blankets which made me internally awkward, but I tried to play it cool. 

I would put our staff into 4 different categories:

1.  put-together, cool,real, fun to work with

2. Good  people, like them, able to work together, but we aren't that close

3. Really immature, and into themselves, but has potential of being someone I would enjoy working with, has really strong moments within the mix

4. What?!? You got hired??? You still have a job?!? You are so unfriendly, dumb,and impossible to be around and to work with!! 

This retreat had a theme of understanding our differences, using our unique gifts and together working as a team. It was really really hard for me because there are people that are on my team that I do not think should be on my team, they can't pull their weight, they build down things instead of improving them. And I felt like this unity building justify their crappy work habits, and made a bigger problem in the long-run. 

It's been a long while since I have talked about the girl who I switched jobs with last summer, that roommate I struggle with all the time. I still strongly believe she shouldn't be at camp, and this retreat solidify those feelings. 

We had a time where we got to share things what were going on at camp, and a girl that I would classify as a number 4 girl, brought up that she that we don't talk a lot about our spiritual walks with each other and how we are doing with the lord(which I can see to be true for her because she makes conversations about The Lord VERY uncomfortable- it's like this special gift she has. So I'm very intentially about NOT talking to her about The Lord) 

..and the roommate girl I just talked about brought out her ugly-- saying that girls bible study made her feel isolated, that it was shallow fluff that was unbiblical, and that no one would listen to her when she brought up ways that were unbiblical they would just move on. 

THIS DID ME IN! I have ZERO symphony for her, she would come and sit in the living room when everyone is in the kitchen, she would attack people if they said anything that contradicts  what she says, and she won't listen or be open to any other thought outside of her own. So of course you would just move on. 

Attitudes and crap like this makes me so mad, she is placing all the blame on who is making something happen, does nothing of her own to contribute to improving it. And I think it's okay for her to talk away from that and say "that's not for me, I'm not going to be involved" but to publically say that, to attack in that matter is just a bitchy thing to do. I'm done with her. I think if she decides to join this fall, I will not because I don't want to be in that environment. 

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I have a phone job interview tomorrow for a camp in Oklahoma. It's for the same job that I am doing now, but instead of doing my job all on my own, I would be part of a team that does it with me, which would make the job so much more enjoyable and not be as intense and stressful. 

I'm a little nervous, but I feel like it's in the Lords hands and if this is the route I should be going it, it will work out, and if it is not, I will be ready for what is next. 

I am fixated on my anger towards that roommate, I can't get past that, but need to. I should research more about the camp I'm applying to, I should be excited about this opportunity. Women's bible study starts tomorrow, I'm excited but a little nervous. I'm driving down by myself-I hate doing that, I need to come right back and get ready for my interview. All the logistics of this are hanging me up a little, my nerves for the interview and a new small group, and the slight chance of having car issues are creeping in. I need to let them go. 

Lord, protect and encourage me in my day tomorrow. Be my strenght in it all. -amen