Recovering from yesterday

So after the whole issue I had last night. I did go to bible study.--there really wasn't a question about that--but I really couldn't talk much because the girl I was really mad at was there, and I wasn't really ready to not be mad anymore. It's was okay content wise. Katie at the end talked about how she often avoids spemding time with The Lord--all the time and most of the group agreed with that, and I feel like I am entering a season of my life where I don't feel like that 100% of my life, but was really anger and left of no value last night. 

Leaving that and going home,I got a text in a few minutes. It was from the girl I was really mad at: it said this:

"Hey I wanted to apologize for today. The past couple days I've been freaking out about summer and oe and office stuff. And I should have handled some things today differently."

I was really mad, and I did not want to accept her apology at all because I felt like it excuses all bad behavior-but you HAVE TO accept apologies" so I spent a little time writing my response, this is what I put:

"I accept your apology, thank you for that.

 It really hurts me when you choose to do program work for _______when he has 3 other staff that support him in programs full-time. You are my only other teammate in all of the retreats that happen, and your time to work is limited in that because of registration and activities. 

I know and understand stress and having lots on your plate, and I try to really be understanding of that, it's really a hard place to be. 

Please forgive me for having moments where I am not as understanding as I should be. "

I felt good about this because I gave forgiveness, but made it very clear why I was hurt by her actions.-and I think the only reason I got this apology is because she overhead my conversation with my boss about how it's not working out and I need help. 

I really had a pity party of having no value and having to ask for help and being kinda told I should be able to handle more than I am-- and feeling I need to walk away and left someone who is better than me fill my shoes. This morning listening to Dave's podcast he said " You were placed in your job in your organization because you are the right person for your role, or at least you are the best person for that role right now. Some of you will say I was not prepared for this role, or I never wanted to be in a leadership role like this and yet there you are. You are the right person for right now. You influence in the best possible way with the limited knowledge and experience, tools and resources you have. You are that person for the organization and for yourself"

 there was more, but I'm not good at quoting. This podcast really impacted me. I am new, I have limited experience, I don't have it all figured out but I was put here in this job for a reason- both for me and for camp. 

Ps it's a great podcast! Listen at http://coachingforleaders.com/podcast/secret-happiness/

Okay, I'm going to read my bible for a while then meet up with a new friend from church. 

Thanks for walking with me through my emotions yesterday. I appreciate this outlet. 

Xoxo

-Becky