Charismatic fear

Do you ever have deep eye-opening thoughts during church worship? 

I definitely do, often. I think this is rooted in me not being musical:)

So today during worship at church, my mind wondered and I figured out my fear of the Holy Spirit.

I am afraid that if I become deeply in tune with the Holy Spirit, I may have to be apart of a Christian culture that I am really uncomfortable with--Healing, speaking in tongues, propheticy, crazy dancing lady in the back, being that overzealous person who awkwardly pray over people unexpectedly. That could be me, if I am intune to the Holy Spirit. God could call me to be this person that I think is weird and amuncomfortable to be around, and don't understand how God is and apart of this spiritualness.

Reading acts this past week, makes me realize I would be really uncomfortable with what was going on in the early church. Very strange things happened- healings--a lot of healings, standing on the corners and churches and preaching... Like those people who weird me out now on the street corners. God created earthquakes that opened up jails, and did all of these crazy things. 

-I don't think I would be willing to believe in God at the time of acts, it would be too mind-blowing for me to handle. But now, though I think after being able to read the full Bible gives me the ability to see God more than the people in the Bible did. And though I'm still at the point of scared, God is real, and does things, and asks of things more than i am really comfortable in doing. And I guess I need to step out and be willing to be obedient to The Lord and His spirit even at the risk of being one of the crazy, rediculous Christian that I am so fearful of  being. I need to be open to being that, for the sake of being close to The Lord.