Church really hit me hard last night, I have been thinking about it a lot. This morning I went hiking and in the process I relistened to it. This quote was the hardest for me to swallow: "we got this loneliness hole and we can't understand why God hasn't filled it yet. And since God hasn't filled it yet we go out on our own and fill it ourselves. Or God hasn't filled it with the right one so we know that this one isn't exactly who he wants me to be with- but he is close-close enough. I will make it work." I felt so torn after hearing this. Lost, unclear of The Lord and trusting Him and what my own understanding is. But then I got in the car this afternoon with a good friend, and processing the sermon last night with her (we go to church together) she started to tell me a story that was full of wisdom and spoke deeply to my heart. In essence I know Gods promise, and I know that he has a. Plan for the end result. But I don't know what all needs to be done to get to the end. Ham is here and now and moving forward with him seems so right. He texted me tonight. I appreciate that so much. He doesn't know all this stuff going on in my heart right now, yet he is still reaching out to me, being my friend even though it seems like just being friends with me would turn him away.
In case you got lost in the rambling,
To conclude:
I am open and ready to move things forward with ham- he just doesn't know it yet.
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