Church kicked my butt tonight

Church is real and God speaks so clearly to me, yet i dont know how to proceed to what he says.
God spoke to me. he made it very clear that i was going to end up with skip. i was content, i waited, i put effort into maintaining a friendship with him. He returns to the US, I'm excited, he puts towards no effort to even contact me, for like 2 months now. Then ham comes into the picture- by The Lords doing. Im become open to dating this guy. so today at church we talked about jacob and when traveled, he slept on a rock and the Lord speaks to him. Telling him 6 strong promises and his response is questioning, doubting what he said. In proverbs 3:5-7 it says "trust in The Lord, and lean not on your understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight" I know this verse well. But have never thought about " lean not on your own understanding." With this whole thing of being open with ham, am I leaning on my own understanding and being selfish in wanting to date him. OR am hiding and not trusting in Gods plans if I change my heart and desire to move forward with ham. Deep in thought, going to have to pray lots about this, but right now both don't seem quite right. But moving forward with ham seemed so right a few days ago, and am unsure and uneasy about all the doubt I feel right now.