I'm A Mess, I Can't Do It All, I Think I Need To Quit

"I'm a mess, I can't do it all, I think I need to quit" has been in my head for days now. I haven't written about it because that is what I feel like I always write about, but these thoughts keep building upon each other. I feel like more time that goes by, the more these thoughts become true.

I mess things up big time.

I can't do things on my own; I am not a good problem solver. I don't know how to manage 16 balls in the air at once.

I don't know how to get people to help me solve all my problems. Then these problems just sit, until it's too late to fix them.

Then everything explodes in my face.

I don't know how to stop things from exploding in my face week after week. I don't know how to keep everyone happy. I don't know if I can keep up with this pressure.

I don't even know how to throw in the towel. I don't know how to quit and make everything better. I don't know how to fix these problems.

I have been looking at houses in my home state. Maybe I need to get an easier job, live near my parents where I feel safe and live a normal life.

I don't think that is what I am suppose to do. I don't know what I am suppose to do. I don't know how to get myself into a place where I don't feel like everything is spinning out of control ALL THE TIME.

I have been getting so angry at my co-workers because I have been begging for help and I am just ignored, they listen to my job issues that I am having, but don't give me answers, don't help me problem solve these messes that I feel tangled in.

I keep googling questions about what I should do next in my life. I keep typing in my search bar these desperate cries of what I should do next because what I am doing now isn't working. I shouldn't cry, and feel so emotional messed up from my job. It takes everything out of me.

My job isn't that big of a deal. So many other people deal with much harder things than me-- Doctors, nurses, directors, principals, really a million jobs, because mine is so easy in comparison. But I am a mess from it. I don't know how to become better at what I do. I don't know how to multi-task that well, how to make everyone that needs to be happy, happy. I don't know how to do this.

I feel like I am becoming weaker and weaker by the day. I get more on my plate, I can handle more than I use to, but when I hit that breaking point, I break into a million pieces, instead of just a few. I can't recover like I used to. I feel like I am always stressed, but I am becoming weaker as a person from this stress.

I like my job, I really do, It is my dream job. But it is hard, and I am not good at it. I don't know what I am good at. I don't know what I should do that will be beneficial to the world that fits my skillset. I wish I knew what my next steps are suppose to be. I wish my google search would give me answers that I want to have.