Home bound

Things got better during my time at the rents! I am so thankful! I was able to see my favorite cousin. Go to the camp that I used to work at and reconnect with many dear friends and see the amazing improvements they have done to the place (it looks AMAZING!) 

This trip back to camp was good for me. They are a second family (i have many second families) and it was good to reconnect and see how much has changed since I was last there in my life. Some good, some not so good. But that is part of the process. I see that  I am putting my relationship with The Lord on the shelf.-- I can see it, it's on display, I can talk about it, and even think about it. But it's not active. It's not in the everyday part of my life. Sure it comes down a day here and there.  But I think it needs to be more like my jeans( or sweatpants) lived in, never making it to the shelf because its silly to put them away, because they are so apart of my life. 

This time away has made me miss ham a lot. The main thing I miss about him is how he made me think and view the world. He transformed my relationship with The Lord. He opened my eyes and help me see God way honestly.  I think I need him, or a new him like that in my life. ---suppose I need to get God off the shelf and surrender this with many other things to him. 

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I think as I was home longer, I made it clear that I was not okay with my dad treating me like dirt, and talking to me in really negative ways. I would walk away from conversations (only like twice, I'm not super brave) and tried to twist those negative conversations to something not trashing people. And it improved the situation greatly! That's really good!

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Right before my boss left for vacation at the beginning of December, he told me some things that I didn't quite understand until a good 5 days later. 

A guy I work with is trying to become my direct boss, in my department, and it is my role to train him on how the office works. That is fine expect that he SUCKS!! REALLY SUCKS!! He is on my list of 3 people who need to leave stat. I am mainly struggling with my current boss on this. I trust him, and I this in a way, breaks my trust in him.

 I don't understand what he is doing at all. This makes me distrust him, and I don't want that. This move doesn't make sense to me at all, I feel like he has the same or more issues with this guy than me. I have been looking for other jobs. If this decision is made to indeed have him be my boss, I really don't think I have any other choice but to leave. 

This is hard. I feel that until this move, things have been getting better and better, now this, dang, this sucks. It has been wreaking my insides for almost a month. And I don't think people can really understand my hurt in this. It's like a personal jab, that you only get. I kinda see this in movies, mean girls does this high school style, they compliment your shirt, but both people know they just jab you BIG TIME-- where outsiders think "what a nice compliment" and how do you explain their insult when it came in compliment words? It's kinda like that... 

Ps don't drink coffee on the morning that you fly, makes you pee way too much! 

Airport view!!!(from pick-up area)