Burned-out Wednesday

"Burn-out-- I am burned-out." Was the thought that replayed in my head over and over again as I sat in Staff devo today. It wasn't really a devo, it was a lecture about how we as a staff suck. Really, it was about how we fail at customer service, it's about how we put ourselves first instead of everyone else. That we need to give more serve more. We need to be pumping our time with God, be in the word--- that being far from God is making us selfish and suck as a staff.

There were so many true things in this talk, but I didn't want to listen. I feel like I am being pulled to be so many different things right now that I am over hearing it.

 "Be nice and kind. serve people well"
"I need to hold the bottom line, the budget needs to be made" 
"We can't make exceptions for people, we have our policies for a reason, we are doing a disservice to their experience if we change our policies to accommodate them"
"Go out of your way to serve people, God first, People second, you third"
"Customer service is our first priority"

I feel like all of these things together contradict each other. I feel like no matter what I do, I am going to get it wrong, so why the hell am I even trying, what am I even doing here?!

I have faced the reality that I can't do everything needed with my job anymore. There has just been too much growth to handle it, I am barely able to do it-- and I go to these meetings and am reminded once again that I am not good enough. I need to do more, but I feel empty, I don't think I have anything else to give.

After this meeting and feeling like crap, I googled, "Christian books on burn-out" I skipped over the first result, "Avoiding burnout" because I knew it had already happened to me.

I have been told that burn-out doesn't exist, we just are frustrated at certain things and it kills our drive.

There are things that frustrate me, there really is, but I feel like the repeat of doing the same thing over and over again, and having to be at such a high intensity, and having to physically remember so many details (that are nearly identical to everything else that I need to remember) is my burn-out.

I feel like I can never be on top of things, I can never get everything needed, done. Why even try? Why am I attempting it?

I am thinking about reading a book on it. Maybe, this will make things better, maybe this author will help me with everything that I am feeling. This book is less than $5.00, I should get it. I doubt that it would make things worst.