Becoming Weaker Instead of Stronger

I don't know how people handle tough situations gracefully and unemotionally day-in and day-out. I don't know how people keep it all together and not break down and cry everytime they have to face something hard.

This week has been a struggle for me. Our group at camp this week wasn't orginized, which meant that I wasn't organized. The reason why they were a mess was valid, but they still didn't take care of things the way that they should have making me a mess.

I went home and took a break today because I am just so angry at how everything went on this week. I am not a strong person and I feel like I just keep getting weaker and weaker. Even the smallest things make me an emotional mess.

This year has been challenging in many ways, my job is a big part of it. As it has increased in challenges, I feel like I have become weaker and weaker in my ability of dealing with the challenges.

I am worried about me. I freak-out at things I should freak-out about and I can't deal with hard situations. I don't know how I have gone so backwards, and I don't know how to make it better.

Is this part of having a mid-life crisis?

Lord, what is wrong with me? Can you make me better? Will you teach me to have the strength to trust in you in a way were my response is you, not this emotional mess when things like this happen?

Lord, will you fix me? Will you guide and get me out of this yucky mess of a place I am at, and be centered and grounded on you and who you are?

I feel a little desperate and scared about life. I don't know how to do better, I don't know how to recover from the rut I have created my life to be.

If I need to drop everything and go somewhere new, would you make that clear? If I need to stay here, will you show me that as well? Why do I feel so bad about how I am doing in my job? Why can't I be the person that is needed to do the job that I am doing?

I wish I could go back to the days where I was overly confident and didn't let anything scare me or set me back.

I hate being such a wimp. I am over being afraid and scared about the responsibility that I have in life.