2009 journal throwback-- begging prayer

When I was in college. I wanted to be one of those cute girls that had this really significant notebook where I had all of these great notes and thoughts and I could always go back to it and see how big and significant my life was becoming and how I was this great Christian-- like my camp counselor growing up. And have this book. 

Here is that book! I wrote everything in it. I always used my best hand writing, I was faithful to carry my book with me where ever I went, so that I could record and keep note all that was happening. 

My first year out of college, I had this job that was really great for me at a dog grooming salon. It was great except that I hate dogs. With my job, I barely had to interact with dogs, non-the-less, I was surrounded by them. 

In pulling out this notebook today I found this neon pink piece of paper tucked into it. It was from a sale flyer from that job. 

It's really hard to read. But it is a prayer of me begging BEGGING God to give me a job as a financial planner assistant. I don't even remember applying for this job now.

I wonder what I thought when I didn't get the job (or even an interview) 

I kinda sorta had a straight head back then. I heard all of these success stories of people who didn't know what they were doing when they started out, and look at them now, 3-20 years later, so put together they are able to give others advice on life. So I knew there was hope... But I kept on thinking "there must be some people who didn't make it through this hard time, we don't hear those stories... am I going to become one of the silent life failures?!?"

At the time, I wanted something good and stable. I wanted to see that I wasn't going to end up a mess. I still want that. But what would I missed out on if I jumped the gun and got and took that job? How much different would my life be? 

If you have read more than 20 of my posts, you know I'm not in the promise land right now. I have interviewed for other jobs, I have thought about storming  out and quitting. I get really angry some days about my situation. 

But this neon pink letter reminds me that I need to be faithful to God. That he has other things in store for me and will not always give me my immediate will. In fact, some times, I think he protects us from our immediate will and insteads sets-us-up to do His instead. 

Note: the most significant thing in that notebook, didn't meet my rules, it was on scratch paper in my rushed gross handwriting. I'm glad I kept that even though it broke my rules