I was really excited to live in a real house. With one roommate, who hopefully wouldn't be awful. I would be able to fully use a fridge, I could run to the store and back in less than 10 minutes. I would be around normal single ppl. I wouldn't have to listen to annoying 21-year-olds who are irritating optimistic plan there wedding and how great and hard and wonderful this journey is. I wouldn't live on a mountain, but instead be on flat ground around lakes!
I'm not okay. I don't like my life right now. I don't want to be apart of this. I feel so alone on this mountain. I don't have anyone on team Becky here. It's hard, really hard!
I don't relate to ppl, people aren't sensitive to me. They say really mean hard things all the time. I feel like I am looked down at for being single. And a mix of things with that. I have no value because I'm alone, I don't understand/go through hard times because marriage is really hard. And all this other stuff. I am either alone or the third wheel. Never anything else.
I'm really not okay right now. And I don't know how to make it better, at all. Life is so damn hard. I can't even let myself truly cry about it right now because my awful roommates will hear me.
Can jobs retract their rejections. Can they ?? I just want life to be easier. I asked God to make it clear if I need to stay or go. And not getting this job made it clear. But it hasn't even been 12 hours and all I want to do is run away from this place and not look back. Sprint run! Leave all my stuff and just go!!
I am in a Beth Moore bible study tomorrow and I don't want to go. I have to go by myself, everyone in my group is married, living the good life and it's just another place where I feel alone and different.
I need help. I need change. What can I do to get out of this rut.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.