sit and talk-- friends matter

Tonight I got to sit on a friends couch and talk for a really long time (we are talking 3 hours) I love that I have a friend who I can COMPLETELY trust and experiences the same life that I live. I think that talking and being around people that you trust is the best. It helps make all those thoughts that float in your head come out and allows you to see if they are reality or craziness that I made up. My August has been chaos. I feel like I am so out of my routine, out of a stable emotional mind and really need to talk things out.

I often wonder about all the incredible wonderful people I have had in my life. I feel like I expect most to be terrible or at least of untrustworthy, but I have been SO honored by getting to know and do life with and grow with incredible people. I have been mentored and have grown leaps and bounds by the influence of incredible people.

I don't deserve to have my life surrounded by amazing people-- I am really terrible at returning the favor, I am not thoughtful, caring our welcoming in the way that people are with me. I don't give great advice or walk people through hard situations like others have done for me. I feel like I have so many friends that are wise and have this insight that I can't even dream to achieve. I am thankful that they pour into me and make me the person I am now, and the person that I may become.

I know that I can do very little on my own. I have been struggling at seeing my worth and bring myself down this whirlwind of thoughts of seeing me as the problem and that I should leave the picture (my job) so that everything will work out. I can see the real problems, they are clearly in front of me, but I don't see facing them to bring a solution, instead I am the only problem by addressing all these other things going on.

Does that even make sense to you? It's my own thoughts and I get lost in them. I also come to a place where I have all of these feelings but do not know the source of them. I have a hard time identifying the key words that made me feel this way but instead get stuck in swimming around in the emotions I felt when those words were spoken to me.

I will always continue to be a mess until I talk out the feelings that I am experiencing. Sometimes it is here, on this blog-- which explains the crazy posts that you never know what to do with. It also happens with real people. With my boss when it is work related, friends when it is anything. Because we all need to have people in our life that we can trust be real with--to sit and talk about real things with.