Convicted

I need to change in big ways!Yesterday morning I had a good conversation with God. I acknowledged that my ways were me being sinful and that I needed to turn away from that. My morning was so good. I felt alive!! Summer staff arrived, and I was flooded with memories of living with this particular girl last winter. She drove me crazy(close to literal) and suddenly I was on my defense again. I was instantly annoyed at life, all because of this girls presence! My office was crazy all afternoon. I couldn't think straight,I couldn't keep up with the chaos. But in that I couldn't get over the fact that this girls personality was messing with me. I need to figure out how to not let that have control over me. it Only brings harm to me. We kicked off summer training with a worship night. Prior to its starting, I had a really good conversation with my bosses wife. She was having a rough night, but in the midst of that, she encouraged me and told me she really appreciates me. That means a lot! Worship was incredible, the games were fun and my boss came up and talked about the power of camp as much as we need to care about the logistics of camp, we need to focus in on our heart and how Jesus changes our lives and the direct word of God needs to be our source of following him. I know this, but did I ever need to be redirected last night!  As you all know I kinda fear the bible. I don't always get it, I don't know how to execute what it tells me to do and frankly I get confused of who God is by it. But my boss told us. We can't start by reading tons at a time, just like you can't run a marathon your first time putting on your running shoes. But you need to start slow, start by only reading a verse a day and think and pray over its meaning that day. And work our way up into being a "bible thumper" --- can I say CONVICTED!! I need to do this! 

So I work up hungry this morning at 8:00 and went right down to camp breakfast, with just barely changing out of my pjs and decided to stay for all staff devos. Our program director spoke out of Ephesians. This hit me hard. He talked about grace and one time when he was asking a camper about grace he told him when you receive grace it makes you feel wanted. That's so true and so honest! I feel so wanted when I get grace- never thought about it like that, makes Gods grace so much more meaningful! And with grace comes responsibility. And he said all this. Great stuff. I went home, and I wanted to review what he said and now I am stuck on this verse. Ephesians 4:3 " make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace" and I know what it means but I have no idea of how the hell to do that? What would that look like... I know I know.. I need to pray and think on it and God will show me in his time. And I know he is probs wanting to teach me deep and great things through this verse because I am stuck on  it and because I don't rely on The Holy Spirit and suck at keeping peace with all my gossip. 

See where my fear of the Bible comes from. man do i need to be radically changed. my heart is so far from being right!