When "everyone" is getting married...

When you are single and over the age of 20, you have a pretty consistent feeling that everyone is always getting married, and you are very aware that you are not. But every once in a while it intensify's and "EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED" seems unbearably true.

It never is true. Most people are already married :) and no matter what, there is always a crew that is unmarried with you.

Last night and this morning I had a "EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED" moment. No one that I was close to was actually getting married, it was all friends of friends. But I still felt left out, behind.

I worry about my life. I am isolated on top of this mountain. Will I even have any friends to invite to a wedding when I get married? Do I need to change my life style? Does that even matter? What am I to do with my life? Am I going in the right direction?

I had a coming to Jesus conversation with Jesus today. Our relationship isn't right, I don't pursue or seek after the Lord in the way that allows me to have a real intimate relationship with him. We are more just surface friends. I hate that SO MUCH.

I want to be real with God, I want my life to be all about Him and our relationship and being obedient to what He says.

About 3.5 years ago, I had a dream camp that I was  hoping to work at. It was somewhat close to my hometown (2 hours away) was a big place with big potential and operates in a cool way. It didn't work out (I dropped out of the application process before I was rejected, but I really don't think that I would have gotten the job) And they have an opening as a office manager right now..

My heart is torn if I even want to look deeper into this job. All their staff lives offsite, meaning I would have to drive into work each day (most likely a 20 minute commute each way) and I would be working with the person who has the job I love, instead of doing the job I love.
But, this job would be at an incredible job, near family and my homeland. I would feel so much safer being so close to family here and it would be in my comfort zone.

As I write, I am confident that is not the route I should go. It does have it's appeal but deep inside I know it's not the right thing for me to do right now. That instead,I should stay where I am at, and do what I am doing here.

In the middle of writing that last paragraph, my roommate came out to the patio and we watched today's sermon from our church. It was about having our life, not about us, but about the Lord and serving Him and those around us before ourselves.

I stink at that. But, it confirmed some things for me. I don't need to leave-- because it would only make ME happy. I don't need to feel a need to be getting married, because marriage right now is only about ME.

Instead, I need to do what the Lord leads and stay intoned to that. I need to serve Him instead of thinking of myself.