Charismatic Christian train 2 of 100,000--Holy Spirit in Jesus's ministry

So reading into that book further I got to a part that talked about Jesus not having any "Godness" in him because he was fully human, but that the Holy Spirit filled him and that is how he was 

Charismatic Christian train: part 1 of 100,000

I'm reading"Surprised by the Voice of God" by Deere. I started this book about 3 years ago, but put it on the shelf and forgot about it. I saw a friend on Facebook was reading it, and decided I needed to pick it up and see what I could learn from God in it and assess if I need to become a scary charismatic Christian. 

Anything charismatic scares me...a lot. They are always the really weird people, and they tend to burn you and creep you out. I really can't handle it. But charismatic people and closeness to the Holy Spirit seem to go together. So I'm reading this book-with a grain of salt. I have learned so far that Elijiah did crazy things for God. But the Bible says "he is a man just like us" just like us...God doesn't do crazy things with people because its a special time or place. But that God does that consistently, it's in his character. "These weren't the only special people or the only special times. Anyone who knows God is a special person living in a special time" 

The person described in this quote is me. Reading the Bible is typically like taking medicine. You do it because you should, it's good, but try to get it over with as soon as possible (disclaimer: the last 5 weeks have been mostly different) 

Though I'm a skeptic of this book, I really do wonder if it's so hard to read the Bible, because I don't see the God in there, the same as the God that I love in my heart, and do not expect him to be the same in his word as in real life. 

God calling me to wait and love and marry skip is very charismatic, way more charismatic than I am. But maybe to grow and be closer to God, I need to widen up my view of him and let him work in my life in ways that seem only for those crazy-scary Christians. And be open to joining that train, in loyalty and obedience to God. 

Maybe...

I think if that's the case, my life will look different than it does now AND different than those scary Christians. 

Anoint with oil

So my friend Katie has gotten the essential oils bug... It's this fad that seems to be crossing American...Using essential oils instead of modern meds to heal your family. And them seem to work pretty darn effectively, you can combine a few oils together and BOOM!

    •   Your headache is gone!

    •   your back suddenly feels greats!

    •.  your sniffles are no more!

 And though I'm not a oil user. I have seen the huge effects it has had on ppl I know in my life. 

With that, these oils have made me see scripture differently. And I have kinda-sorta thought about it. But wanted to dig deeper right here, right now. 

First of "anoint" sounds so spiritual and special. I just looked up the definition of it... You know what anoint means?... To smear or rub, thats it! That cuts the spirituality out of oils for me...

 .... So passages like this have always made me feel like it's about uber Christians and there was creepy spiritual things going on. But today right now this is how I interpret this Scripture from reading this...

"Someone sick? Get a bunch of people over here, give them the best and most modern and effective medicine we have, and pray together for him like crazy, and The Lord may use the meds or your prayers to make them well"

That makes it way less creepy right?! I also never thought that oil did anything for you outside of keeping your pizza from sticking to the pan or making you feel sticky. 

I think this next part is really special " the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" I haven't dug deep into thought on this yet, not sure if I have to, but I shows there is power in being real in God and being righteous. 

Wow! 

Prayer and Bible reading

Being a Christian is simple and complex all mixed in one. It's simple, love God, follow him, and love people. But to do that it seems like it suddenly gets complex. There's a list of things you need to do, list of things you can't do. And in that mix you can't become legalistic, overly charismatic, and your heart needs to be in the right place. 

In this simple/complex mess. I think I have developed my own complex with the Bible. I'm afraid to face it on my own. There are so many pastors, experts, wise people who can read the bible and get all of this great wisdom and insight out of it. And teach that knowledge in a very practical, life impacting way.

 I open up the book and read some words and often feel confused, wondering how long I have to read this, to still be a "good Christian" but not being "legalistic" in my faith. I don't always walk away confused, sometimes I get God in the reading his word. I see and remember his faithfulness. And that is good. 

But often, I doubt myself, I feel like I can't think on my own. Pastors see and help us get us on a right path of thinking that I feel I can't do on my own. So I don't even try. I just influence my life with podcasts and preachers that seem wise and good and replace them with personal Bible reading and prayer. 

No one recommends doing that. You always hear "be in the word" "spend time in the bible" "be a daily reader" "spend time in prayer"  never "simply listen to ppl, who read the bible and let their opinion of it change your life."

So, I have gone from kinda/sorta being a Bible reading/praying Christian to someone who doesn't have that in my life at all, but still wanting my actions and thoughts be glorifying to God.  

It's crazy how you get in this place. And I have been really struggling with this spot. 

On Sunday, I went out hiking and I decided enough is enough. And that I'm am becoming drown in my sin of disobedience and pride and that I needed to give up my okayness of being distant with God.

I decided that I want to focus 1 hour a day on prayer and reading the Bible this week. Which is hard. Really hard! It's now Thursday , and I don't think I have been 100% successful yet. But I want to personally be close to The Lord and though this is stretching me, it's good for me. I am learning in the process. 

My life hasn't radically changed, but I know it will if I continue to be vulnerable and willing to have God my focus.

Next thought: 

My feelings were really hurt yesterday. Today I learned that the person who hurt them feels bad in what they did and is going to come to me and apologize. My feelings were REALLY hurt, and honestly, I'm not ready to forgive. Because my act of forgiving excuses it, and they can come around and do the same thing to me next week. By definition of forgiving that isn't true. And I become a jerk if I don't accept the apology, so I have no choice. But it's hard. Really hard. 

Well I've committed to an hour, and haven't started yet, better get going and on it! Night y'all.