When "everyone" is getting married...

When you are single and over the age of 20, you have a pretty consistent feeling that everyone is always getting married, and you are very aware that you are not. But every once in a while it intensify's and "EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED" seems unbearably true.

It never is true. Most people are already married :) and no matter what, there is always a crew that is unmarried with you.

Last night and this morning I had a "EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED" moment. No one that I was close to was actually getting married, it was all friends of friends. But I still felt left out, behind.

I worry about my life. I am isolated on top of this mountain. Will I even have any friends to invite to a wedding when I get married? Do I need to change my life style? Does that even matter? What am I to do with my life? Am I going in the right direction?

I had a coming to Jesus conversation with Jesus today. Our relationship isn't right, I don't pursue or seek after the Lord in the way that allows me to have a real intimate relationship with him. We are more just surface friends. I hate that SO MUCH.

I want to be real with God, I want my life to be all about Him and our relationship and being obedient to what He says.

About 3.5 years ago, I had a dream camp that I was  hoping to work at. It was somewhat close to my hometown (2 hours away) was a big place with big potential and operates in a cool way. It didn't work out (I dropped out of the application process before I was rejected, but I really don't think that I would have gotten the job) And they have an opening as a office manager right now..

My heart is torn if I even want to look deeper into this job. All their staff lives offsite, meaning I would have to drive into work each day (most likely a 20 minute commute each way) and I would be working with the person who has the job I love, instead of doing the job I love.
But, this job would be at an incredible job, near family and my homeland. I would feel so much safer being so close to family here and it would be in my comfort zone.

As I write, I am confident that is not the route I should go. It does have it's appeal but deep inside I know it's not the right thing for me to do right now. That instead,I should stay where I am at, and do what I am doing here.

In the middle of writing that last paragraph, my roommate came out to the patio and we watched today's sermon from our church. It was about having our life, not about us, but about the Lord and serving Him and those around us before ourselves.

I stink at that. But, it confirmed some things for me. I don't need to leave-- because it would only make ME happy. I don't need to feel a need to be getting married, because marriage right now is only about ME.

Instead, I need to do what the Lord leads and stay intoned to that. I need to serve Him instead of thinking of myself.

Submit and love

I am reading "Love-ology" by John Mark. I am in a chapter about gender roles and looking into the passage that says:
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything" Ephesians 5:22 NIV

John Mark goes on to define "submit" here's what he says,
"This word submit is hypotasso in Greek. and it can be translated "respect" "yield" "defer" or "put another's good ahead of your own" It does not mean "do what you are told" It means" give your own feelings, desires and trust over to another".... (page 189)

I love this definition of submit. It makes me think about the word used in other lights outside of marriage, we submit articles to the paper. We have freedom to make our voice be known, but it isn't saying that our voice is the direction that we are going.

This brings me  great comfort. I love this it makes me want to be married so I can give honor to this command.

It's funny, John Mark goes on to say that this relationship is for within marriage, that not all women are to submit to all men nor are all men to love all women as described in the next lines of this passage. But I am able to understand this type of relationship with how my boss and I operate on the job.

I submit to him ALL the time, and it is really really the best. When I am upset, hurt, or angry at something or someone at work. I often am sought out by my boss and am asked if I am okay, we have been at this long enough that I normally no longer lie and say " I'm fine" but tell him what is going on, "My co-worker said this to me... I saw this going on and it hurts me this way" etc. and he listens and he cares. I give him all of my feelings, and I trust them all to him. And normally he fixes my problems for me. Sometimes he doesn't, but I know that the situation is in his hands and he will act on it in a way with the Lord's guidelines and his selfless leadership way. --Or he will empower me to go and make things right and guide me on how to do that (my least favorite answer, I love it when others fix my problems for me)

I know that a work relationship is SO different than a marriage. But I wonder how much better will my marriage be that I have experience a boss that loves and cares for his people that he seeks them out and makes sure their voice is heard and I can trust him with my thoughts.

I also have learned that submitting my heart about this ministry and place that I love to my boss makes me feel SO SAFE. Its a kind of "being cared for" that can only come from the Bible. It means so much more to me than any compliment, and makes me want to serve here with everything that I have.

I can see how submitting into marriage that is responded in love makes for an amazing marriage. I can see how that makes you feel united. Because it effects the deepness of you. It may be hard. Your husband may not have the same deep love for you and hurt you when you submit. Giving each other love and submitting to your husband is a gift you give each other. You cannot demand it and be given it from your spouse. You just have to freely give what you have and hope they give it back to you.

John Mark goes on, and addresses all the women reading his book who are freaking out about what he just said. And that makes me sad that a response to something so beautiful so magical would be feeling of anger or being upset. --If it is done wrong is is upsetting. There are many people who I would not submit to, but with the right heart, it can be the best God-Centered thing out there.

I am so excited to submit to Skip and have him know me and my thoughts and trust that he will lead our relationship.

I love knowing that we are to have a relationship with the Lord where we submit to Him, I love that we are commanded to give me our feelings, desires and trust him to lead us with those and our entire lives.

Thoughts on salvation

Since that awkward event I went to last week at my parents church, I have been thinking a lot about salvation and what it means to be saved. They showed a video in the middle of that awkward event where they explained that salvation is knowing God. They made it really simple-to be saved we need to know God. 

Is that true?

Can we make salvation that simple? 

Is it fair to have us make it that simple, are we tricking unbelievers if/when we do that? 

I have honestly been wrestling with these questions for a long time. I understand that Jesus died for our sins. That he atones (covers) our debt, so that we may have life- and have it to the full. But, how do we get our debt covered? 

The natural answer that comes to me is: we ask Jesus to forgive us of our sins and that we turn our life over to him we allow him to be the driver of our life, instead of taking our own path. 

Which seems to be true. But this isn't the full and best answer, this isn't what everyone says to that question. 

Like I said, I have been thinking about his a lot, and tonight I read John 8 and these keys about salvation stood out to me:

•we must believe (John 8:23)

•we must follow Him (John 8:12)

•we must hold to Jesus's teachings (John 8:31) 

John 8:34 says it the clearest about salvation: 

It's clear, a slave has no place in the family, but a son belongs in it forever. But how do we actually become sons? And what all is being referenced by the the next line,"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed"

Is this referring to Jesus's death and resurrection?

Is this us seeking salvation from Jesus?

Is it referring to V. 31-32 and telling us to be free we need to hold to Jesus's teaching? 

Is it all of them in one answer? 

I don't have the answer. I haven't looked at Romans for this specific answer, I need to. That book talks about salvation a lot, I haven't even looked at the verses that address adaption and what it looks like to be adapted yet. 

I think often, we want to make it appear and convince to people that following God is simple, easy. But, I find that not to be true. And more than just letting our sin nature take over us hard. But understanding it all. Salvation is hard for me to understand. Jesus's words are hard for me to get the value from. Seeing the Bible as a whole and in the details is also confusing. Having a situation at work, and figuring out what next steps is right, the godly choice, is also hard. 

God didn't give us step by step guide to life via the Bible. He doesn't make everything cyrstal clear for us. He doesn't let me memorize the steps and give me the ability to "up-one" everyone else in the "Christian race" 

But instead I have questions and confusion and a drive to dig in and learn, and gives me opportunities to talk to other believers on these things I'm thinking about. It gives me something to talk about God about and a way for me to faithfully follow. 

2009 journal throwback-- begging prayer

When I was in college. I wanted to be one of those cute girls that had this really significant notebook where I had all of these great notes and thoughts and I could always go back to it and see how big and significant my life was becoming and how I was this great Christian-- like my camp counselor growing up. And have this book. 

Here is that book! I wrote everything in it. I always used my best hand writing, I was faithful to carry my book with me where ever I went, so that I could record and keep note all that was happening. 

My first year out of college, I had this job that was really great for me at a dog grooming salon. It was great except that I hate dogs. With my job, I barely had to interact with dogs, non-the-less, I was surrounded by them. 

In pulling out this notebook today I found this neon pink piece of paper tucked into it. It was from a sale flyer from that job. 

It's really hard to read. But it is a prayer of me begging BEGGING God to give me a job as a financial planner assistant. I don't even remember applying for this job now.

I wonder what I thought when I didn't get the job (or even an interview) 

I kinda sorta had a straight head back then. I heard all of these success stories of people who didn't know what they were doing when they started out, and look at them now, 3-20 years later, so put together they are able to give others advice on life. So I knew there was hope... But I kept on thinking "there must be some people who didn't make it through this hard time, we don't hear those stories... am I going to become one of the silent life failures?!?"

At the time, I wanted something good and stable. I wanted to see that I wasn't going to end up a mess. I still want that. But what would I missed out on if I jumped the gun and got and took that job? How much different would my life be? 

If you have read more than 20 of my posts, you know I'm not in the promise land right now. I have interviewed for other jobs, I have thought about storming  out and quitting. I get really angry some days about my situation. 

But this neon pink letter reminds me that I need to be faithful to God. That he has other things in store for me and will not always give me my immediate will. In fact, some times, I think he protects us from our immediate will and insteads sets-us-up to do His instead. 

Note: the most significant thing in that notebook, didn't meet my rules, it was on scratch paper in my rushed gross handwriting. I'm glad I kept that even though it broke my rules

Faith VS belief

I have never thought much about the differences between faith and belief. My homework this week in "living a praying life" is all about that and in this thinking I am getting clarity on concepts that I haven't allowed myself to think about before because it was too hard for me to handle. 

We can believe in silly things-- believing in them doesn't make them true. We believe in Santa Clause, that he comes and deliveries us toys in the night, but it's not true--it's our parents giving us anonymous gifts from "Santa"-- we believe in prayer-- and we believe if we pray hard and earnestly that God will answer our prayers; we will get that job, be healed from cancer, we will have whatever were prayed for.

 This morning I realized though, when we do this, we are not having faith in God when-we-believe-that-God will answer our-prayers-our-way, instead we believe  we are entitled to what we are asking because we believe in this "earnestly praying" system. 

Having faith in God, is just that-faith in God. He hears all our prayers, he sees us believing in him and he also sees us believing in ourselves or this "earnestly praying" system we created ourselves. 

He sees us get mad at Him when he doesn't mold Himself into the God that we wanted. He sees us doubt Him when he doesn't grant us all our wishes. He sees us miss the whole point of having a relationship with Him. 

It's not about what we get or have, it's just about GOD. We have faith in God and we need to believe in Him, nothing else.

SHOW

I'm doing a new Bible study, it's called "live a praying life" my home work for this week is to pray this verse everyday this week, to pray it slowly, to consider each word and phase. 

I made this image with the help of google images and a photo app and put it as my lock screen on my iphone. 

As I created it, I felt like it was just a normal good bible verse. A few hours later I did today's homework. It was really easy, it asked me "why do I pray" does it change God? if it does, is he still sovereign? if it doesn't change him, what's the point?

Then I read the verse. The first word "show" was bold- we pray to have God show us HIS ways. 

I interviewed yesterday. I need to pray about it. I now see I need to specifically pray for God to show me what to do. 

         -----[tingle feelings start below this]-----

What if I am to stay here, just so I can finish this 13week study? What if The Lord wants to show me the value in staying now and learning and doing what I need here for the sake of our relationship, not for me to love my job and what I am doing. 

I was pretty sure that I thought that  could never be the answer. I'm pretty sure I never actually thought God would say "stay". I really was just waiting around for Him to say go, move forward, in a clear voice. 

Wow, wow, I wish you could feel the weird tingle and feelings my body had as I wrote this post--those thoughts and words were not me. They pained me a little to write them. They weren't what I wanted, but they came out of me. -show me your ways, O LORD.

Show me your ways, O LORD. 

There is power in that statement.

Show me your ways, O LORD. 

That crazy foolish girl looks a lot like me

So I've been watching bachelor in paradise this season. On this show, there is this girl who spent about 4 days with this guy and decided that they are soulmates. 

This girl is CRAZY! The guy told her that they need to not break-up, but get to know other people. So this girl goes out and makes-out with a tool in the ocean- and when her dream guy won't take her back- her craziness REALLY COMES OUT! 

She talks and talks and talks about how she knows they are soul mates, how she needs to go and visualize them together, how she is beside herself because she doesn't know what else to do outside of a lame apology to him....

Her and this guy are obviously not soul mates--it's the bachelor for crying out loud--- but this crazy girl kept reminding me of me. And that's really unsettling. 

I have become a person who really trusts my feelings, I don't apply for jobs if it doesn't feel good when I read the description. I didn't talk to skip for a really long time, because I left like I need not to. 

And I do this not because I'm a "spiritual"

person, but I know that the Holy Spirit is in me and speaks to me and that comes out in my gut reaction and feelings. 

Not talking to skip was really hard on me. Really really hard. But I was obedient in it. 

He post this picture on Facebook earlier this week: 

And that caption made me flip out, I knew he either went on a date or got engaged! But, in seeing this post, i felt like I knew I had permission to FINALLY talk to skip, so I commented on the picture this: 

Which lead to us having an hour-long Facebook message last night. 

He just met a girl, they have been officially dating now for 3 days. And though this is NOT good for me what-so-ever, i am doing okay with the news. 

Part of me feels like a fool, but I know that God is bigger than this relationship, and if they do end up married, God is still my God and he had me on this trust journey for some other reason. 

But I'm not there yet. Him dating is not a game changer for me. It's a hard for me-- I feel a little foolish waiting for a guy in a brand new relationship- but I am not showing God faithfulness if it is really easy and convenient to trust him. 

I'm afraid to tell my friends that skip and I talked last night. 

I feel like skip and I's conversation really indicates to them that I should throw in the towel and move on-- and that hanging on to this is as ridiculous as that bachorette girl hanging into that guy. 

But, The Lord is the game-changer in all of this- he makes things that seem foolish really be all about following HIM. 

I am really thankful that skip himself told me about his new girl, and after all this time of silence we are still friends, and can pick things up where we left off. It may not be the ideal, but it is SO MUCH better than what it could be. 

Having quiet time lead me to study Micah

Two posts ago, I mentioned that I needed to go and spend some time with God. And I did. I went to my spot, the big pile rock where I feel like I am in God's territory. Where I need to be real in front of him. Have honest hour with him. 

Yesterday morning, I spent time reading some psalms, proverbs, and a few verses of Acts. I didn't feel like I had direction in what I was to read. 

Then I spent a good hour of my work day looking at those verse word art images, thinking about surrounding my life with more scripture. 

Like this:

And there were a lot from the book of Micah-- and not just Micah 6:6-8.

 Micah who knows anything about that??? The only thing I know about Micah is that conservative Christians name their children "Micah" that's it, outside of Micah 6:6-8

So I started reading the book. I have no clue what it is saying. So I listened to a sermon on it. Hoping it would help me in the process of understanding it.  

Most of it is still a mystery. But I have learn so far it is about a people group who very very slowly lost their loyalty to The Lord, and let their lives be influence by false teachers, who only told them the that good things were to happen. Because people proclaiming good things get more attention and popularity than than bad news prophets. Micah is a lot about calling these false prophets and calling out the people who are living really fake Christian lives. 

I'm not to the end of the book. I haven't figured out all that The Lord wants me to get out of Micah. But I have been challenged in my faith. I have seen how quickly we can justify what we are doing and go down a slippery slope and be falsely following The Lord. 

It's been really good for me to hear. Excited to continue my Micah journey. 

Fresh eyes

I have been around Christianity my whole life. I was the token church kid, teen and adult that we all know. When you are the token Christian, you are exposed to lots of bible lessons, stories, teachings, sermons, activities, movies, music. You get lots and lots of bible.

Today I was thinking while I was listening to a sermon on Acts how God has really wiped me clean of my Bible upbringing and prideful mind of knowing the Bible. God is allowing me to see Him in his word in a whole new and in a brand new way each time I experience it. I think this has been going on in my life for 3 years now, but didn't think or see the amazing thing he is doing by letting his word be fresh each time I see/ hear of read it. 

I need to process the sermon I just heard on acts. I need to relisten, pause it and study deeper each passage that we go to. I need to let the words sink deep into my heart and have it be apart of my life. 

Above is the key verse, "The apostles left rejoicing because they have been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the name (of Jesus)"

That's such a big deal. They were flogged, FLOGGED! I don't even know what that means, some kind of terrible torture. And they left rejoicing. 

I really really really need to work on praising God in the everything of life. And make that a real part of my life. 

I really needed to stop, and reflect this past week and process via blogging all these things going on in my head. I hope to do that today. I hope you see so many more posts from me today, and allow God to work through my thoughts and that I am able to process them out here. 

Hope you hear from me soon! 

Ps.

I got new hiking shoes this past week: 

And I went hiking with them first time today. I def need to brake them in! Look at how dirty they got and the huge blister from my 2 mile hike today! 

I think though in a bit, it will be perfect! 

"For The Lord is preparing me"

This has been my answer to almost all the Gideon study questions as I worked through that, and I know they The Lord is preparing me for something. The past couple of weeks, I thought it was The Lord preparing me a way outta here because I was hating every single day so much. 

In the midst of worship today our worship leader told a story of The Lord preparing him for months before somthing really hard and pressing happened to him, and now as he is in that season, he is hanging on to the things The Lord prepared him for. In the drive home from church today. I was telling my boss's wife all that I learned in church and that The Lord is preparing me for something, and that I don't know what it is. ---I have a great fear of what it is. Skip becoming engaged to that Facebook girl (or any girl that's not me) and that my promise won't come to be, for a consequence of my year of disobience, or to show I can trust The Lord even when it doesn't make sense. Whatever the it is. I hope, HOPE it's not that. It has the potential of snapping me, instead of stretching me. 

Lord please have your word be, even in my disobedience!  

Church knowledge James 1:19-25

Just got home from church, I learned A LOT, gotta write it out so I don't forget. 

James 1:19-25

Cycle of blessing: a pattern in our lives that we hopefully go through over and over again, and am blessed by being connected to The Lord. 

1. Clean out the crud--- take out all the known sin in our lives. For the more we hold onto sin, the less The Lord will be apart of our lives. 

Romans 1:18-32, proverbs 4:18--as I further read into this, I don't know if they are exactly saying that God works like a dimmer switch in our lives. Gotta pray about that one. 

2. Humbly receive Gods word

*** BIG LEARNING HERE***

James 1:21 " therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you" 

--when we read the bible and we disagree with it, believe that we "are special" and it doesn't apply to us, we are not humbly accepting it. Pastor Larry gave the example of Apple maps. It's normally accurate, but every once in a while it gives us a direction that is really stupid, and we go out and make our own route. Which is good because Apple maps isn't our God. But when God who is our God, tells us to do something really stupid, and we turn and go our own way, we are disobeying God by our arrangance of who we is. It's easy to follow when it's easy, but the paths that looks to be a stupid way to go, is when we show we humbly accept Gods word--complete reminder for me with skip... Having this new girl in his life is really hard for me, but I need to remain on this path, even though it seems so unrealistic at this time. 

Examples pastor Larry gave of this:

•our generosity, waiting to be debt-free, to make more, to have the savings account 

•our honesty, telling the truth even if it hurts/hard

•our bitterness towards that one person we cannot forgive

•flirting with temptation, and not fleeing from it

3. Do what it says, living a life obedient and acting the way the bible says

Bible study myths that royally screw us up: 

1. The more you know the more you grow

Reality: the more we obey God's word, the more we grow. 

2. A bible scholar is a God expert

Reality: we learn more as we be obedient

3. If you are a poor reader, you can't be a close Christian to The Lord.

Reality: it's not about reading it's about doing what God's word says. Living it out matters more than being a reading expert. ---"blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it" Luke 11:28

3. Take your obedience to a deeper level

V23-25 tells us that a fool forgets immediate after seeing, but if we look intently at the perfect law that gives freedom, not forgetting it, and doing it, he will be blessed for what he does. (Not just knows) 

I learned a lot from this. A lot! I have many things I need to work on. The main thing my pride, and growing in the obedience to The Lord's word and doing as it says always, not just when it leads me on a path that I want to go on. 

The weak and foolish

"Blog about this"

Is what I was going to save a draft of this scripture and come back to it and debrief the signaficance of it. But more often than not, I never go back, so I'm putting both the hike and Gideon bible study homework that I was debating about doing now and blogging about this first.

I grew up reading robin jones gunn books, she was my favorite author. She wrote the christy miller series which was about this girl who moved from Wisconsin to California-- meet all these super cool Christians, became one herself and though she had some dorky moments, she overall was really cool and it was cool/funny of her social whoops moments.  

Though I don't think there is anything wrong with these books, I think they have played a  big part into my perception I need to be this cool put together stylish, fun person before I can be this incredible Christian. That growing in Christ goes along with my improve social status.  And in that, you say things like, "I don't care if that's not cool, I am going to do that because I am following Christ" and whatever "uncool" thing you do is actually cool because YOU are cool. 

So I think that I need to be this super cool person in order to be bold in Christ, and I get so mad and annoyed when all of this super annoying, dumb, dense, lazy Christians are around me. I'm constantly thinking " why in the world did they get hired" " SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY, WHY are you DOING THAT?!""what?!? That doesn't make sense, how do you think that is logical?"  "You are talking and saying nothing for 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11......seconds" (this is my favorite, you get less angry because you are focused on counting than having to hear the dumb things coming out of their mouths) and there are lots LOTS of more of these thoughts. 

Typically, when I look at this verse and verses similar to this, I think about me. I am not always wise, I came from a somewhat humble beginning, God is making me better in him. I need to boast in The Lord.

  BUT! Instead, I need to think about all those people I have all of those ugly thoughts about. Instead of being so angry and mad, I need to see God working through them and their weaknesses. I can see in right in front of me, if I look. If I am really really honest, I wish I was the only person that God was working through my weakness and that everyone else had it really but together. But alas, that is not how God put it together,  I get to be in the same boat as everyone else and together we get to make a mess in our rowing, but hopefully moving in the direction that we oath to be going.  

A blend of fear and jealousy mixed with a little doubt

I'm having a day where I am overwhelmed by God and keep thinking about the big picture of who he is. I read this verse below this morning:

And I don't really get it. How can you be saved and not have the Holy Spirit? Can that happen to people now? Does the Holy Spirit go in and out of people? What does it mean by they spoke in tongues and prophesied? Why?  Is that proof that the Holy Spirit lives in us? 

I'm unsettled and have lots of questions running through me ...obviously. 

AND I facebooked stalked skip tonight. There was a picture of him sitting in a chair getting a haircut from another guy with a caption that read " this is what we had to resort to Katie , since you are gone" 

It made me really jealous! By Facebook stalking her. I now know that she is skinny and pretty and travels like skip does and obviously in his circle.

I normally don't allow myself to go down this tunnel of doubt. But what if skip goes ahead and marries this girl? What do I do? Both in life and in my faith with God. That could happen! Easily!! I really don't know what my next steps would be. 

I guess that is part of faith. You can't see the end and know how you are going to get there when you are in faith. You just gotta trust! 

Charismatic fear

Do you ever have deep eye-opening thoughts during church worship? 

I definitely do, often. I think this is rooted in me not being musical:)

So today during worship at church, my mind wondered and I figured out my fear of the Holy Spirit.

I am afraid that if I become deeply in tune with the Holy Spirit, I may have to be apart of a Christian culture that I am really uncomfortable with--Healing, speaking in tongues, propheticy, crazy dancing lady in the back, being that overzealous person who awkwardly pray over people unexpectedly. That could be me, if I am intune to the Holy Spirit. God could call me to be this person that I think is weird and amuncomfortable to be around, and don't understand how God is and apart of this spiritualness.

Reading acts this past week, makes me realize I would be really uncomfortable with what was going on in the early church. Very strange things happened- healings--a lot of healings, standing on the corners and churches and preaching... Like those people who weird me out now on the street corners. God created earthquakes that opened up jails, and did all of these crazy things. 

-I don't think I would be willing to believe in God at the time of acts, it would be too mind-blowing for me to handle. But now, though I think after being able to read the full Bible gives me the ability to see God more than the people in the Bible did. And though I'm still at the point of scared, God is real, and does things, and asks of things more than i am really comfortable in doing. And I guess I need to step out and be willing to be obedient to The Lord and His spirit even at the risk of being one of the crazy, rediculous Christian that I am so fearful of  being. I need to be open to being that, for the sake of being close to The Lord. 

Fancy photos, mint budgets, AND Joseph dreaming

So this week I downloaded an app that lets you modifiy your pics in cool ways and Put words on top of them... You may admire my camp word art above as well as my new "sailing in the waves" logo I created (and recreated multiple times this week) 

I also re-activated my mint.com account. And am now tracking how I spend money and trying to figure out how to be debt free by march 2015. I spend A LOT of money eating out and on clothes, but overall I don't think I will have to adjust too many bad habits outside of that. And camp is about to start full swing, so my grocery bill will decrease ALOT for the next 6 months. 

Now I guess the more serious note. My bible study had us read the story of Joseph and reflect about how he was with people and the importance of having people in our lives. I kinda got that, out of it. 

But I mainly focused in how God was so faithful to Joseph! Joseph had a dream, he knew what God was going to do in his life, but nothing in his life, looked that way at all. He was in prison, forgotten. Then one day out of the blue in Joseph's end, he goes from being a smelly gross guy in lock-up to the second most powerful guy in the country. IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS!!! 

I'm stuck on this! That's God working in crazy WAY unpredictable ways. It helps me see God in a better light. I really don't know how it is ever going to work out for skip to personally be in my life again. It's not as quite extreme as Joseph in prison, 

But still very much an unknown variable in my life. 

In the bible study gathering tonight. I kept invisioning skip walking into my office, out of the blue. Staying here at camp for a month and letting our relationship become one where love can be present (instantly of course, because it's a daydream and that's how it goes in fantasy land!)

as much as I want my dreams to come true, I need to keep my head grounded and focused in on Gods will, not my dreams, as hard as it may be! 

Anoint with oil

So my friend Katie has gotten the essential oils bug... It's this fad that seems to be crossing American...Using essential oils instead of modern meds to heal your family. And them seem to work pretty darn effectively, you can combine a few oils together and BOOM!

    •   Your headache is gone!

    •   your back suddenly feels greats!

    •.  your sniffles are no more!

 And though I'm not a oil user. I have seen the huge effects it has had on ppl I know in my life. 

With that, these oils have made me see scripture differently. And I have kinda-sorta thought about it. But wanted to dig deeper right here, right now. 

First of "anoint" sounds so spiritual and special. I just looked up the definition of it... You know what anoint means?... To smear or rub, thats it! That cuts the spirituality out of oils for me...

 .... So passages like this have always made me feel like it's about uber Christians and there was creepy spiritual things going on. But today right now this is how I interpret this Scripture from reading this...

"Someone sick? Get a bunch of people over here, give them the best and most modern and effective medicine we have, and pray together for him like crazy, and The Lord may use the meds or your prayers to make them well"

That makes it way less creepy right?! I also never thought that oil did anything for you outside of keeping your pizza from sticking to the pan or making you feel sticky. 

I think this next part is really special " the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" I haven't dug deep into thought on this yet, not sure if I have to, but I shows there is power in being real in God and being righteous. 

Wow! 

The Bachelor and applying for jobs are the same thing!

The bachelor helps me understand the world better in so many ways. And I think I can parallel anything I am going through to the show.. Someone apologized to me the other day, I felt like crap afterwards, two days later the same thing happened to a girl on the show and I got it, the apology was there only to manipulate your feelings...but I couldn't see that until I happened to someone else.  

Well I really see applying for a job to being a contestant on the bachelor. I was told upfront about the process of getting the job I applied for 2 weeks ago. 

1. Send in resume

2. Fill out questionnaire 

3. Phone interview with director 

4. Skype interview with search committee

5. Interview your references

6. Invite to camp for tour and in-person interview

7. Get job

People are getting eliminated in this process, when I was at step 3, there were 5 applicants, at step 4 there was three, And they are cutting it down to two for the on site interview (or should I say hometown visit) then in the end there is a winner. 

And sometimes when you watch the bachelor you think, "these girls are all fighting over a jackass, the real winner is the one who gets to walk away without a gem on her left index finger" and that can be the same with a job specifically me with this one.

 Though my current job isn't the greatest, there is a chance that it is WAY better than the one I am "fighting" over with these now 3 other contestants. I am trying my hardest to not get caught up in the game of getting a new job, but instead, faithfully following The Lord in this. 

I understand a little better though how the girls on the bachelor become so crazy. The fear of the unknown and unsure of when you are getting cut, plays with your mind and gut a lot more that you think it could. 

Bad company corrupts good character

I live with this girl, she is a negative Nancy. We have lived together for 1.5 years now, but I haven't spent a lot of time with her because I didn't want to be corrupted. 

Today, I had an interview. Afterwards I had a really good long conversation with Jack. It was really positive. He listened to my interview. We debriefed it, and we talked a log about God's will and what needs to be done. It was really good. And though it was not all smiles and giggles. I walked away feeling encouraged. 

I went home. And I had a conversation with Nancy. Nancy just put in her 1 month notice. And in that, has been VERY VERY open about all she hates about our camp. Earlier today, I was thinking that it didn't actually bother me and she is just transitioning out poorly. 

But after our hour conversation, and hearing a lot of negative things about this place and my boss. I learned it does indeed bother me. I need to be careful with my words. She doesn't know about my journey that I am on with finding a new job and I know now I need to keep it that way or that influence will bring me down. 

What is crazy to me though, Nancy and jacks conversations were very similar in content to each other, but the heart, feeling and attitude behind it, dramatically different!!  

I see it to be really true... Bad company corrupts good character, I feel that even in these small doses. 

Liking that potential option

This morning I had an interview. It was really really good. I really like the guy I talked to, my potential boss. Right now there aren't really any red flags. I would live in a house, with just one roommate. A grocery store is only 5 minutes away. It's a growing camp, new buildings are going up. They care about their staff. Fixing and improving housing. They are a smaller camp, but they consistently busy for at least half a year. I really liked my interview. I think this place could be a really good fit for me. But, I just don't know. I don't know if I'm ready to go. 

Even though it's hard, I really like this journey. It's steps of faith. I wish that I could talk to my executive director about it. We are really good friends and I wish that we can talk this at without me quitting my job getting in the way. 

Oh man, I'm glad that I have The Lord in my life. If I didn't I would be a basket case right now. 

Mysterious theme verse of the week

Last Wednesday was a really big day, I think this is like my 5th post referring to it! 

In the morning, I went to staff meeting. Was told by the ugly email writer that we are talking about our favorite bible verses in devos, then addressed the ugly email writer about his ugly emails (he talked a lot, and was very apologetic) then went to devos. 

So in this timeline, questions about verses were frequent and each time that was mentioned psalm 12 came to mind. I don't think I have ever read this psalm before. It for sure is not dear to my heart. But ever since Wednesday, I have needed to hear it. It has been pressed into my heart. 

Honestly, I don't really get it. Part of me want to refer it to the ugly email writer. I think he lies and he has flattery lips. I think his long apology was that, though I do not know. 

I love how it says the words of The Lord are flawless. I love how it asks us to protect us from those flattery lips ppl. But in the end, I feel confused by 1.) what the purpose of the psalm is and 2.) why has this become my go-to theme verse. 

And it's not one of those theme verses where you go to because I like it. But because the Holy Spirit is prompting me to over and over again. 

Oh the mysteries of God!