Went to his house

I hanged out with ham at his place today. It was good but I thought it would be a lot better. I think he didn't really know how to have me over. Like he didn't know how to entertain me or something. He was texting a lot while I was there. It really really bothered me! He was suppose to pay attention to me! And I think he was texting my college roommate E, which I have huge issues with. I wanted to set up ham and E up in college, I fear that what I have with ham is nothing and that he is just using me to get to her. My own rebuttal to myself is... You are bring ridiculous. If they are meant to be, then that's it, I need to step out of the way. Or he is just being friends with your friends, there is nothing wrong with that. But even with my self rebuttals, I don't like it. I don't like it at all. 

Ham has been very  open with me lately, yet tonight he seemed so distant. He did just injured his knee, and it wasn't like he was disengaged but not 109% like normal. He didn't flirt with me either. He didn't cuddle with me on the couch- which I really wanted him to do. In hindsight it's probs for the better. He is very OCD about cleanliness and order of things. He recently told me that he is bipolar, which out of everything scares me the most. Honestly, at this moment I don't think ham and I will end up together forever. And that makes me rely sad. I really like him and us having a romance seems good. But I think we are more different than a lasting relationship can handle. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe this is right and I'm nitpicking the details apart. I hope we have some good conversations soon. I hope we have the ability to have good conversations outside of just texting.

Man I have a crush on this kid. I think he might be clueless of that.